A study carried out by Forbes Magazine has found that success in the music industry is now “exclusively measured by which prick has more money”.
Forbes asked ten thousand members of the public a variety of questions about the different ways success is portrayed in the media, with most participants claiming that an abundance of material possessions was a far greater marker of success than making memorable music.
Jayne Wiggins, a twenty three year old “full time mom”, spoke to Wunderground earlier, “I don’t really care if some old ass-musician from the eighties or the nineties has sold a million records and made music that still sounds as fresh today as it did the day it was released, if they’re not driving around L.A. in a Ferrari F40 and dripping in bling they’re an unsuccessful bum in my eyes.”
“Have a look at some really great EDM musicians like Deadmau5 or Calvin Harris,” continued Wiggins. “You can tell those guys are really successful because of all the tacky shit they own, then, you’ve got a guy like Bob Dylan, walking around looking like a homeless asshole, you tell me who’s more successful? Obviously the guy wearing the diamond studded mouse head.”
According to the study, other visible signs of success include; expensive drug habits, trips to the Betty Ford Clinic and catching an STI from Lindsay Lohan.
