Chilean born DJ Ricardo Villalobos has announced that he is to quit the music industry and launch a new career, as a Kardashian.
Villalobos will be the first DJ to make the switch to reality TV star, despite an influx of well known TV personalities making the change in the opposite direction.
The news of the DJ’s monumental career change comes just hours after Kardashian sister Kylie Jenner confirmed her first DJing gig in Las Vegas’s Foxtail Nightclub later this month.
“When I see people like Paris Hilton and now Kylie Jenner becoming DJs it makes me sad,” explained an emotional Villalobos earlier. “It makes me so sad that I no longer want to be a part of the industry, that’s why I’ve decided to hang my headphones up and concentrate on a new career, as a Kardashian.”
“The first thing I’m going to do is have extensive cosmetic surgery. When I’m finished in the operating theatre I’ll make Michael Jackson look like a natural beauty, there’ll hardly be anything original left about me, just like the Kardashian or Kanye West’s music,” continued the DJ, best known for his grinding techno sets and getting himself into an awful state while playing them. “Then it’ll just be a case of sitting around looking pretty, making the occasional sex tape and watching the money roll in. Easy!”
According to the Kardashian’s fat brother, Rob, making it as a male Kardashian isn’t as easy as Villalobos thinks.
“Ricardo’s going to struggle to cut the mustard as a Kardashian,” confirmed Rob. “It’s an easy job but it’s not very lucrative unless every guy within a five hundred mile radius wants to put his dick in you. Why do you think my step-dad went trans? He’d still be Bruce if there wasn’t such pressure on us to be hot, available women, now he’s Caitlyn and looks like a cross between a female inflatable sex doll and Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.”
Villalobos, pictured above trying to pull off the trademark Kardashian pout, is planning on releasing a number of Kardashian endorsed products, including a new fragrance, Eau de Cocaine, and a range of penis shrinking chewable tablets, 99% MDMA, which he’ll also be using to help him fit into the standard Kardashian thong.
