According to music aristocracy, tracks that are released exclusively on vinyl sound approximately ten times better to pretentious ears.
Count William Cuthbert of Techno claims that he only buys limited edition, vinyl only releases and that they are far superior to music found on any other format.
“Coming from an extremely influential family with a long and esteemed involvement in techno, it’s fair to say that I am quite well versed in all different formats of music,” explained the Count during a chat with Wunderground. “I’ve listened to WAV, FLAK, CD, MP3, MP4 and probably a lot more that you’ve never even come across in your limited relationship with music and I can confidently tell you that vinyl is, by far, the most superior sound.”
“The sound of a good minimal techno track, that has been given a vinyl only release, is so pure that the likes of you probably wouldn’t even be able to tell the difference,” continued Cuthbert, who was getting pretty annoying at this stage. “But to someone with a pair of ears as well honed and educated in the arts of modern music as mine, there is a vast difference, it’s like the difference between listening to Mozart and Meatloaf but I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“When music is released on multiple formats, the sound is inevitably diluted, so much so that the vinyl releases sound no better than your average WAV file which, to a well tuned ear, sounds about as appealing as shoving red hot needles, coated in Tabasco sauce, down the eye of your cock.”
“Anyone who says any different is either an imbecile or doesn’t have a clue what they’re talking about.”
In other news, a temporary ceasefire in the ongoing Vinyl vs. Digital feud is set to be broken after a London based hipster inherited his grandfather’s record collection and is currently working on a number of boasts about how he has always preferred the sound of vinyl, despite having never listened to it.
