A New York based holistic healer has claimed that she can give a man a “euphoric feeling” simply by rubbing his testicles.
Rose Petal Walker, known locally as a “free spirit” and “annoying bitch”, believes that she can recreate the feelings caused by MDMA simply by stimulating parts of the male anatomy.
“Holistic healing is all about stepping away from medicines and chemical and concentrating on surroundings, emotions and interconnected nerve systems in the human body,” explained Rose Petal earlier today. “So, if it works with medicinal drugs, I can’t see any reason why it won’t work equally well with recreational drugs.”
“Last week, I had a guy come into my clinic complaining that he was feeling depressed,” continued Ms Walker. “I’ve heard that MDMA has great healing powers for people with depression so I decided to carry out a little bit of an experiment of my own. The penis and testicles are home to more nerve ending than any other part of a man’s body so I knew if I concentrated my holistic powers on his groin area I could raise his spirits.”
“I started off by rubbing and cupping his testicles and straight away I could see that his spirits were lifting,” she unsurprisingly revealed. “Then, I started to gently stroke his penis, by this time his mood had lightened significantly and he was really getting into my treatment. After about twenty minutes I asked him if he was feeling better and he said ‘almost but I think if you put your finger in my butt and my penis in your mouth I’d be completely healed’ so I did and sure enough he left the clinic with a huge smile on his face.”
“Even though he said he was completely better he’s insisted on a weekly appointment so it shows my methods are extremely effective.”
