In an announcement that has caused both indignation and disbelief amongst the music festival community, organisers of popular Suffolk chin-stroke-athon Latitude earlier this week announced, via a blog post on the side of a carbon neutral shed door, that they would be performing income assessments on all potential ticket buyers ahead of 2017’s festival.
The controversial move comes amid fears from the festival organisers that over past years Latitude’s key values have “slowly been eroded” by working class people from both the local region and further afield.
Wunderground caught up with event organiser Carta Hemple for more information on the proposed system,“This is actually something we’ve had in the pipeline since about 2013.”
“The past few years we’ve noticed an alarming number of customers attempting to bring prohibited contraband such as Pot Noodles, multi-packs of Pink Wafers and tins of Strongbow onto to the site, these all contain a dangerously high number of sulphites and are not Paleo friendly,” explained Ms Hemple while knitting what appeared to be a Victorian diving suit out of disused hemp braids.
“We knew we’d have to be extra vigilant this past summer, particularly when we spotted at least seven cars in the car park that weren’t fuel inefficient 4x4s, but we simply were not ready for what we found.”
“At one of the food stall, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, our security team found a parent attempting to put some Daddies ketchup on their child’s organic sweet potato fingers!” Sobbed Ms Hemple as tears tumbled down her Craghopper fleece.
“I mean, the children who went up the chimneys and the parents who went down the pits never holidayed any further afield than Great Yarmouth in the past. Why do they think they can now? That Mike Ashley has a lot to answer for with his generous workers’ wages!”
“My husband is thinking about selling our Sports Direct shares to be quite honest.”
