A young dance music fan who spectacularly failed to enjoy a set after spending the whole time trying to identify which tracks were playing has been hospitalised for mental health issues.
Brian Tucker was playing a Soundcloud link of a DJ set in the company of some friends when it was claimed that rather than just listen to the music he spent the entire time posting messages asking for the identity of each track.
“We were just hanging out in Brian’s room listening to some music,” claimed Natalie, a friend of Brian’s. “We were all really enjoying it, dancing and nodding our heads but Brian was just sat at the computer incessantly trying to find out the name of each track.”
Natalie claimed that over the last few years Brian has grown increasingly remote during DJ sets unless he knows the names of the tracks that are playing. “We were in a nightclub a few months ago,” explained Natalie. “The DJ dropped some monster track and the place went mental, people were throwing their hands in the air, smiling and just enjoying the music.”
“I looked over at Brian and he was holding his phone towards the speakers. I didn’t know what he was doing at first but I found out later that he was using Shazam to identify the track,” continued Natalie. “Once he knew the name of the track his face lit up and he started dancing along with everyone else. I knew then that he had a serious problem.”
Brian has since sought professional help for his problem and is currently an out-patient in a local psychiatric ward where he is under the treatment of Dr. Chris Sampson. “Brian is one of a number of young dance music fans in my care that I am treating for what I’ve tentatively called ‘Shazam-Syndrome’,” explained Dr. Sampson. “It’s a new problem that has emerged when people can’t take pleasure from music without some prior knowledge of what they are hearing which leads them to aggressively seek the names of tracks or artists.”
Dr. Sampson described how the condition had even begun spilling over into other aspects of his patients lives, “Often I’ll find them doing things like crying softly while Shazam-ing their own voice or the sound of the wind. I once made the mistake of humming a snippet of a song in the presence of one of my patients,” recounted Dr. Sampson. “When I couldn’t remember the name of the song he put a butter knife to my throat.”
A tearful Natalie revealed one instance when Brian exhibited similar behaviour, “I was using Brian’s en-suite bathroom. I came back into the room and he asked me what the name of that track was. I asked him ‘what track?’ and he said ‘the track you were just playing’. I cried as I explained to him that it wasn’t a track but just the sound of the toilet flushing.”
Brian attempted to describe the difficult condition that he has been struggling with, “I just need to know the name of every track that I hear,” explained Brian. “Otherwise how can I fraudulently claim a vast musical knowledge on Facebook?”
Dr. Sampson highlighted his treatment plan for anyone afflicted with Shazam-Syndrome. “Well it’s quite simple really. All you have to do is put everything else out of your mind and just let yourself quietly exist in the moment to enjoy some music for a few minutes like a human being.”
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