Boiler Room Audiences Being Held There Against Their Will, Claims Source


A source who spent the last few years working as a promoter for popular DJ set video-feed, Boiler Room TV, has made the startling claim that the audiences featured on the show are being held there against their will.

“Nobody wants to see the back of a DJ, unless he or she has a nice arse,” claimed the whistleblower Andrew who worked for four years for Boiler Room in London. “We were never able to fill out audiences for some of the less well known hipster DJs so we started to try and find creative ways to fill the room.”

Andrew claims that initially they tried to lure people to attend with offers of free alcohol but that “that approach only attracted a scag head audience who were there to bum free drink and didn’t fit in with the urban fashionista aesthetic that Boiler Room wanted to promote”.

“We’ll usually put an ad out on Facebook for an artisanal vegan shoe making class or go around the local art colleges and just open fire with a high powered tranquilizer gun,” claimed Andrew. “That usually guarantees exactly the kind of young, white urbanites that are nice to look at while swaying slightly.”

“They’ll lock the doors and emit a mood relaxant vapour to make the people more docile and accepting of the several hours of voyeuristic hipster house music,” continued Andrew. “One guy tried to escape midway through a trainwreck Thom Yorke set but reportedly reappeared moments later, with strange track mark on his arms and an empty look in his eyes.”

“That’s why they always look bored or uncomfortable. Do you think that people who actually wanted to be there would be dancing so little?” continued Andrew who says that his life is now in danger from Boiler Room assassins who, if they capture him, will force him to attend every Boiler Room from now until the end of recorded time.

Some attendees have come forward to release statements about how they were held by Boiler Room against their will which corroborate Andrew’s claims.

“I’ve been before, they locked the doors and made me listen to some music, I started to enjoy it a bit but when I smiled and began dancing energetically they asked me to leave, or step out of shot,” claimed one attendee. “The only escape is to look like you want to be there and are enjoying yourself.”


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Boiler Room Audiences Being Held There Against Their Will, Claims Source

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