American ego-tist, walking delusion and sometime rapper, Kanye West, has took it upon himself to defend artistry in music by making a statement against Beck through the medium of voice-modulating Auto Tune.
Auto-Tune, frequently used to correct the mistakes of weak vocalists, has been a staple of Mr. West’s musical “artistry” alongside “raps with no flow, over-the-top stage productions and publicity stunts”.
In a recent spat at the 41st Grammy Awards, West, spoke out against the decision to award the Album of the Year award to sole-songwriter Beck in favour of the multi-producer and songwriter credits laden offering from pop-queen bum-jiggler, Beyonce.
“If the Grammy’s want real artists like Beyonce, who on her album sang all the words that someone else helped write for her, to come back to their awards then they need to respect artistry,” crooned Mr. West in a vaguely futuristic lilt through an auto tune box implanted in his larynx. “We ain’t going to play with them no more, rewarding people who write introspective pop albums entirely by themselves, in favour of unchallenging pop music written by committee.”
“Beyonce was truly innovative on that album,” stated Mr. West, mimicking a robot or Stephen Hawking. “When people listened to it they were taken to another place on each cut, a place usually determined by the style of the songwriter she recruited to write the song. That’s pushing things forward. She’s so much of an artist she don’t even need to create art, Beck needs to respect that.”
“Beck, if he respects artistry should give his award to Beyonce, and use auto tune exclusively on his next record,” continued a constantly chagrined Mr. West. “Which, if he truly wants to be as innovative and game changing as me, should be a sprawling mess of an album that is only saved by constant overly confident espousals of messianic genius to the world’s media.”
In response to Mr. West, which he insists on being referred to as, Beck has since sold all of the 18 instruments that he plays, bought an auto tune box and begun work on his next album by dialing the numbers for Pharrell, Timbaland and Justin Timberlake to help write the album.
Claiming that he’s “tired of the Grammy’s committee not respecting the craft” Mr. West then ended the interview by lip syncing a flow-less rap verse over a brash EDM beat while a helicopter exploded behind him in the shape of his own face.
“I’m flawless, this is art,” he concluded before dropping a mike he wasn’t even holding and frowning for the assembled glitterati.
