A young ketamine user has today drawn the world’s attention to one of the greatest mysteries of the modern world – how your drug dealer always have a different, slightly annoyed girl in the car with him every time you meet him to buy stuff.
26-year-old Paul Adams from Liverpool says that for the last 7 years of his drug taking career he has never sat in a car with a dealer alone but was always in the company of a pseudo-girlfriend of the dealer who was in a constant bad mood.
“It’s something I’ve been noticing since I first bought bags of weed from a friend of my older brother,” explained Paul. “He was always nice as pie, chatty and helpful but I started noticing that his girlfriend, or the woman with him, changed on a weekly basis and possessed the personality of an aggravated cat.”
Paul says that he has been unable to solve the mystery of why his drug dealers always have pissed off women doing their rounds with them as, “I’ve never actually met him socially and any time I meet him to buy stuff there’s a girl there”.
“She’ll just sit there, not talking or looking at me but somehow still expressing vague disapproval,” continued Paul. “Often I’ll sit in the back seat while he drives around the block so as not to look suspicious, and they’ll exchange a few grunts that you can’t quite pick up as words but the general meaning is ‘just have to meet another four blokes and then we can go for food.’”
“It’s always a different one, or if you see the same one twice she’ll look different,” explained Paul. “To be honest it might as well be a different one each time because regardless of how many times you meet her you’re not going to form a relationship cause she’s making the situation so awkward and tense.”
“I tried to talk to one before but she just tutted and looked out the window. Another time I offered her a smoke but she just turned up the stereo and looked at her phone.”
A representative of the local dealer’s alliance claims that having a surly but attractive woman in the car with you at all times when meeting customers is part of the dealers’ code.
“It’s an integral part of the dealer lifestyle to have a variety of different club girls to use as aloof arm candy to make it appear that your life is pretty good and you’re not just a shifty dealer,” explained the rep who chose to remain anonymous. “If we didn’t have her in the car then we wouldn’t look as cool and we’d be forced to put up with our customers thinking they’re our mates.”
