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September 2, 2014
1 min read

DJ Wakes Up From 10 Year Coma – Hears EDM – Asks To Be Put Back To Sleep

A DJ, who had been in a coma for ten years, has woken up and sensationally asked to be put back to sleep just hours after waking up.

Chris Spencer, who was originally hospitalised in 2004 after a pallet of cakes fell on his head, outrageously asked to be put back to sleep after seeing a “live performance” from Steve Aoki on the television set in his hospital bedroom.

“At first I wasn’t really sure what I was watching, it looked like some sort of weird stage performance like Cirque du Soleil. If Cirque du Soleil was way gayer and for children,” explained Chris from his hospital bed. “Then I asked the nurse who this schmuck was and she told me he was one of the biggest DJs in the world.”

“I literally shit myself when I heard this guy on the stage, doing absolutely no DJing, was one of the world’s biggest DJs,” admitted Mr. Spencer. “Although that was probably as much down to the fact that I’ve been shitting myself on a daily basis and wearing adult diapers for the last ten years than it was down to the shock of finding out this guy was a DJ.”

“Then he started throwing cakes into the crowd,” continued Mr. Spencer tentatively. “I’ve had nothing but nightmares about flying cakes for the last ten years, then I wake up and see this asshole destroying my profession while throwing cakes at his audience. If this is what reality is I’d rather go back to my nightmares.”

“So I asked the doctor to put me back to sleep,” reveled the patient, “but unfortunately induced coma is only used to treat severe brain injuries. Listening to enough of this Steve Aoki guy could probably get me a severe brain injury but I really don’t think I’d be able to stand that pathetic shit for an adequate amount of time.”

“While I’m happy to be awake now the time directly after I woke up was quite a low point for me, as I adjusted to having spent ten years of my life asleep. The only thing that got me through it were the pretty nurses and the sponge baths,” continued Mr. spencer with a cheeky grin. “Now I’m just concentrating on getting my strength back up and getting out and seeing some real dance music and taking some non prescription medication,” he added with a wink.

Graham

Graham

110 Comments Leave a Reply

  1. “Way gayer and for children”

    ……… An article written by a douche for his fellow douchebags

    • #StoopidKids #JealousIGrewUpWithBetterMusic? Did you understand that? Or should I use more pound signs? lolz #HashtagDon’tCare #JumpingUpAndDownWithYourFistInTheAirIsn’tDancingYouTwat

    • Agreed. This article was tasteless. Conceptually, it could have been a good idea, but the writer grabbed it and wiped his ass all over it. Now it’s just shit flushing down the drain.

    • Take a hint from the corrupt idols you worship, you politically correct vapid fuck.

    • Gay isn’t an adjective for bad so I’ll grant you that. But just because the author was crass doesn’t make edm any better…

  2. This is not funny, at all, and just sounds fucking stupid and pretentious, like everything on this site

      • Its not about the quality of music you idiot. I don’t listen to any of that shit because I’m not about 2 years old. But I don’t think it’s hilarious to shout about how fucking cool it is to not listen to edm, using fucking stupid jokes that make you sound like an archetypal stupid ‘edgy’ cunt /12 year old boy taking the piss out of the 2 year old edm fans. LOL THIS MUSIC ISNT COOL MY MUSIC IS COOL THEY ARE GAY AND I AM COOL COS I LISTEN TO COOL MUSIC kill yourself . Either everyone who reads this site now is about 14 or you’re all fucking idiot proles

        • He was in a coma for ten years I doubt the first thing he thought was “lol ok so now I am alive let’s see what I can say that’s really just going to absolutely piss off every single person that has absolutely no sense of humor.” His first thought was probably just a realization that he woke back up into a world totally different than the last one he remembered, and was disgusted by thee fact that DJing went from something really cool and hip to something that is just shoved down people’s throats because they don’t realize that they are being spoon fed manufactured-to-be-immensely-popular music. But keep not having a sense of humor everyone will love you for it <3

        • You’re projecting. You’re seeing all these things in the article, which is satire, that isn’t there.

    • Its hilarious! The comments are pretty telling too. You can tell who just got into dance music in the last few years and who’s all upset their idols, who have little to no appreciable skill at what they get paid to do, are getting the kind of lampooning they deserve.

  5. I call bullshit. Since when do hospital TV’s have anything more than PBS and basic cable?

  6. Wouldn’t doubt it. Lil new school scrubs think EDM is awesome don’t know shit. Just more crap chopped up severed with little creativity by the labels. Then again, all the zombie masses just love to be spoon fed what they are told is ‘good music’. Keep rockin sheeple!

    • This is the most possible sheeple comment. How do you not get that. ‘My music is cooler you don’t know music your music is manufactured’ is the fucking stupidest most repeated comment in the history of trying to sound like a cool edgy music idiot when you actually sound like a 12 year old in the playground who’s just heard his first oasis album laughing at the 11 year olds music taste. This article is just a massive self congratulatory YAY WERE ALL COOL COZ WE DONT LISTEN TO EDM LOOK AT HOW COOL WE ARE fuck fest. I don’t listen to edm but I don’t fucking care who does or whether that makes me cooler Ffs

      • Its not about “cool” at all, you asshat. The artistic medium that is music should be more than some partying, headbobbing, hype man asshole with no talent or actual comprehension of musical composition clicking buttons on his mac book pro. Minor modulation of premade sample tracks doesn’t make you a musician or an artist, it makes you a douche. I don’t feel cooler after writing this comment, but I definitely stand by its content -_____-

        • well your “standing” by a load of shit, dont diss it till you try it.
          Producing EDM is hard, actually making tracks that sound awesome takes years of practice. A good producer doesn’t use midi patterns or premade made stuff theyv
          do it all from scratch. The idea that “intrumental” music is better than electronic is a bunch bull all music is equal in its own way. The only major difference is you dont need all this fancy equipment to make EDM if you have a powerful enough computer and all the right plug ins.

          • By fancy equipment, you mean … instruments?

            Like … real, live, actually physical musical instruments?

          • You realize all end is based on a synthesized piano for the melody right? You can produce without a computer and the hardware looks like…. wait for it….. A MOTHERFUCKING KEYBOARD ELECTRIC PIANO WITH A BEATPAD ABOVE IT

          • power of computer is only a fraction of it. It’s more to do with how much your sound card can handle… after a decent dual/quad core and about 8-16gb of ram it’s literally useless trying to beef your pc up anymore unless you’re planning on doing 100 channel+ tracks

          • So fucking just stick to producing and royalties and stay away from the goddamn stage. People pay a lot of money to see these mindless fucks on stage just clicking play in Ableton and turning a threshold knob. Just license your songs to clubs who will play it over the house system. You don’t need to be there on stage. Take away the lights, pyrotechnics, and Macbook, and all you have is a skeezy disco biscuit twiddling his thumbs on an empty stage. It may be musical art in some form, but not performance art.

        • You’re completely wrong actually. please educate yourself on what a music studio is and how bands get albums recorded etc… it;s ALL through the studio………. it’s ALL the same in the end either recorded or made electronically via keyboardsv in the end it usually goes through the exact same process… which sometimes is music compisition of the most complex kind. so you’re argument is very uneducated and standing by your comment now makes you ignorant as well… nice one mate

        • Why do people who know nothing about making electronic music always talk about it. The only samples I use sometimes is drum samples.Everything else is played using my midi keyboard and vsts,smh.And you think it’s easy ,let me see you make something.

      • Hah, I was about to write the exact same thing. I couldn’t agree more, though I found this article quite amusing.

      • well sorry for having to tell you the truth about it. i am DJ my self since 1994 and back in these days music specialy electronic music was produced with heard and soul for the love for the electronic music. in the days of today music is produced to make the maximum profit posible. look how many recovers where launched lately from songs from the 90´s chopping them up destroying them just to make some more money.
        I rather prefer to listen to the original ” Robin S – show me love ” then to the new EDM bullshit version.

      • No but there is something called “simple” music which doesn’t require much talent or practice, therefore no respect is earned by professional and talented musicians/ producers.

        • And generalizing all EDM as “simple” music is still an ignorant view. That’s like saying any form of Rock uses the same technique. Some songs have incredibly long guitar solos, changing emotion 3 times through a song, while some have only 3 repeating chords the entire way through.

          Music is music. If someone wants to make something that means a lot to them, they will.

          I will admit there are a lot of producers who do it for fame and money and either copy, or practice “simplistic” approaches. That’s weak, agreed.

          • But you can’t say that EDM is not made with a certain formula and that formula is to make as much money in a short time as possible by using simple tunes that even morons will like…. It’s not very artistic…. and it will not last 20 years or more, or have you forgotten what happened to the euro dance in the nineties ??? EDM is on the same level as that genre and it vanished rather quickly when the hype was over…. No problem for me…. EDM attracts another genre of people and like that they are not trashing good parties I go to…. so yeah… live and let die….

          • Yeah, and what happend to disco from the 80’s. Don’t come here and say that they didn’t use a ”formula” back then too ! What happend when Metallica made the Black Album ? Every rock band wanted to sound just like them…It’s the mecanism in popular mainstream music. Everybody want that one big hit 🙂

          • Ever heard of Michael Jackson? Bruce Springsteen? The Police? Paul Simon? …. ? All these artists are ‘mainstream’ and all of them are geniuses!

          • You really don’t have any clue what you’re talking about. “Producing EDM is not very artistic”?
            lt’s all about the money you say?
            Maybe l can agree with you on some sub genres such as the “Dj” mentioned in this article but just by the way you’re ripping on EDM already shows me that you are unaware of how many sub genres and styles there are in the world of EDM.
            ln fact. l would say EDM is way more artistic than a lot of “real Musicians”
            Think of any sound in your head.
            Now you can create that sound with a little help from something called a synthesizer and years of practice. How about this.
            Go on youtube.
            Peep this Track –

            Note by Note by Tmare (Duckfront Remix)

            Torrent Ableton or even better: reason and see if you can even get close to producing a song that is even comparable to the previously mentioned beat

            Don’t talk ill of a subject you are ignorant about: life lesson

          • I listened to that tune, on your suggestion. I want that 5 minutes of my life back. You should lobby on behalf of the ‘EDM sucks’ crowd. You’ve convinced me.

          • That’s not entirely true either. Plenty of people make EDM as a hobby. As yes, a lot of MUSIC IN GENERAL has sold out, but every single genre has its sellouts and its artists.

        • Simple songs are good just once there not repetitive n to you a simple song could be different to another producer.You gain your respect from making songs people will acknowledge that you make songs n.respect that and if they enjoy the music as well… My mate n I make songs we havint collaborated yet but we have a good respect for eachother because we make songs n we talk about music to eachother.

        • Almost all pop music is simple. No one wants to go to the club to listen to complex mozart symphonies. The simpler a song is the more it will become a number one hit. It also takes skills to make a simple song that actually sounds good. Not everyone can do it.

      • but there IS bad music, and it is what most dj’s play now.
        You can’t imagine just how shocked i was to see EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DJ on tommorowland play the same shit, the same fucking beat.

          • It was made bad, by being continuously played with no creativity at all on all latest festivals.

            And I REPEAT, there IS bad music. Music that is made for money which is instantly bad, because it lacks soul (david guetta, afrojack, steve aoki) and music that is made in response to real emotions and feelings, which is good (deadmau5, breakfast, sedi, blu mar ten)

          • Wow. you really do… no opinion is ever considered fact. That made no sense at all.

  9. Can you guys stop calling bigroom and trouse music for EDM!? All electronic music goes under edm…

    • People who misdefine EDM that way are not real electronic dance music fans. They will point fingers while the only CD in their player was performed by David Guetta.

      • who made you the decider of who is a real electronic dance music fan and who is not? there are 10000000000000000000 sub genres of electronic music and unless its like xxyyxx type electronic music more defined as “chill” most of it makes you wanna dance so please step down from your clydesdale. Generalizing is probably the dumbest thing ever. also….cds? wheres your spotify account

    • lol..lol..lol.. all electronic music goes under edm????? try it all ready had a name… its called “electronica” this new day label were here edm is just so newschool kidz will think styles like dubstep and trap and any other crappy sounds is actually electronica. its not and never will be. ask any house head or trance head or gabber. need i go on?

      • There is no such thing as ”Electronica”. EDM = Electronic Dance Music. All electronic music goes under that genre. It’s just retarded that people think of EDM as bigroom and trouse

        • Show me one nigga that dance to Prefuse 73, or Boards of canada, fyi these guys represent a sub genre of “Electronica” not EDM because ithere is NO DANCE music nor is it meant to be danced to, a closer label would be “IDM” look it up

    • Well people that listen to those genres are the only ones that use the term EDM. That an people on news and late night tv that dont know anything about electronic music

      • Yep. Its the bad taste massive that think corporate festival “big room” is the shit that labeled that garbage EDM in the first place.

        • the “bad taste massive” thats a fantastic describing term for people at EDC and Ultra. Not all of them of course, but plenty of them Im sure. Listen to the radio, they play the same songs over and over again because thats how they will reach out to a more general group of people.

          companies obviously take the same approach to these huge money making festivals. take less risk and play more generic music and you’ll attract more people, because the majority love to hear the same crap over and over again so they can sing along or god knows what.

          right??

          • Indeed. People into this kind of stuff think they have control over what they like and they like what they like because they choose to like it. But its really someone else choosing for them.

          • Im from BC, Canada. when I was 16 I tried drugs for the first time at a nightclub in London. Before that I was kind of into the Prodigy and Crystal method, Chemical bros. stuff like that. Needless to say after experiencing the dance music scene in London I was addicted to it ever since. I knew from the beginning this was music that I like, and not everyone else (hell, pretty much nobody else) I know likes. I like what I like, I dance by myself, its always about the music, I love the music, I dont need accesories, or frickin PLUR friendship groups. I just love techno

          • also. i love dubstep. and Vancouver, being the trendiest place on the planet, sees about 2 good dubstep shows a year now that it isn’t the coolest thing out there. theres like 5 deep house shows a week though.

    • EDM – “What people who started listening to dance music in 2011 call dance music. The rest of the world knows it as dance music, or they just refer to the various genres within it.

      Now, EDM refers to the 128 BPM “big room” rage stuff from the likes of Tiesto, Hardwell, Nicky Romero, Gareth Emery, etc. for which 18 year-old frat bros will gladly sacrifice their first borns to hear at music festivals while wearing a neon tank top that says “DIRTY GIRLS LIKE DIRTY BEATS” and rolling on MDMA. For some reason, it’s all categorized as progressive house on Beatport.”

  11. Idk about you guys but he hit this right on the stop that shit was funny as hell I laughed all the way through hahahaha this guy is right

  12. Brilliant! I do wonder how you see pretty nurses and know your in a sponge bath when your in a coma?! I hope you find a good rave pal 😉

    • Im sure he does. But I dont like when a festival lineup has hardwell headlining a roster of 10 other guys playing the exact same genre

  17. 10 years in a coma!…. Any injury that puts someone in a 10 year coma would be in no fit state to comment on the quality of modern music, He would be a brain dead vegetable feeding and breathing through tubes that wouldn’t be able to respond to shitting himself let alone the music! Such a bullshit made up post just to rag on modern music and troll.

    • Now you’re just plain stupid, ofc you can complain after 10 years of sleep, you’re not a vegetable you moron, you’re weak but you can still move you fucking shithead

    • I think its brilliant! Now watching everyone kknow whats wrong n right. When thete is no wrong or right is fucking hullarious! Dont mess with peeps music! Brings the ferrals out to play………. ok now go away! Lmfao!

  18. Ha ha class. Although I don’t know what is funnier. The article itself or the comments from people that don’t get it’s a joke. Anyone with even a slight hint of common sense can tell it’s a joke. That and the fact this is a site that is for joke articles. I love it when the internet goes full retard when something like this pops up.

  22. Damn, I love reading an amusing and uplifting article then going down to the comments and everyones bitching at eachother-_- If you like steve Aoki then cool, dont go to burning man. If you dont like steve aoki, cool. I agree. but calling eachother sheeple asshats and douchebags gets no one anywhere. If there’s anything I’ve learned from edm and the culture that surrounds it (also while loving what people call “real” music aka music with guitars and shit) it’s that we all need to be more loving and accepting of eachother. At the very end of this he said he was excited to hear more of whats out there. at least this ends on a positive note. So sick of seeing people hate on everyone in the edm scene like they know eachother and like they know what dj’s actually do. just stoooooooooooooooooooooop

  24. Ok EDM as muppets abbreviate these days sounds as cold as the music out there .music has not progressed just auto mated texhnology …only one so called genre in the last 5 yrs was dubstep .is 16 /8 bars of souless noise ….when your stood in a field in blackburn uk in 1988 a djis playing music that probably no one has ever heard before …….and all dressed individually .dancing there own style …guys were sticking smileys and disco biscuits down your throat .that when I knew this would not last forever ….and I was right commercialism corporate .a real dj used his noose went to a record shop spent hours upon hours sorcing them gems …now 1 million djs buy the monthly top ten off beatport ….and mainly throw them in in cd midi controllers and sync the shit out of them lol ….I am an advocste of technology and digital ..when its used right …these days all show boat no fuckin skill peace out xx

  26. all you fuckers are retarded EDM stands for ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC it’s a general term for the whole collection of genres which are electronic…. I’m getting proper tired of all these fuckers using it to define music when it doesn’t define shit it just lets people know it was made electronically….. well no shit sherlock

  30. I Really get a feeling that this is extremely fake, and is just a publicity stunt. Either to make this guy “Chris Spencer” more famous or just to get back at Steve Aoki, OR just for the sake of “dis-ing” the Electronic Dance Music Industry.

  31. Wah wah wah blah blah blah. Just listen to what you like and stop worrying about what everyone else likes.

  33. what a load of fucking shit. chris spencer was never in a coma… he’s been on twitter since 2010 and has been posting daily since. if he has been in a coma since 2004 then all those live performances for the last 10 years must’ve been ghosts. this is just another case of some dickhead writer who doesn’t appreciate something and creates a nonsense story to express his opinion.

  34. Better get used to Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. OH! You also missed Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston’s deaths, as well as Robin Williams’

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