Hollywood heavyweight actress Meryl Streep is set to play Dutch dance star, Tiësto, in Richard Linklater’s upcoming EDM docu-drama Feel The Beat in what film buffs are calling “the most inspired piece of casting since Ben Affleck was cast as Batman”.
The movie, a passion project for music fan Linklater will chart the story of EDM’s rise in America through the often fractious, often homoerotic relationship between Streep’s character, Tiësto and fellow EDM leading lights, Paul Oakenfold and David Guetta – played by Michael Sheen and Rhys Ifans respectively.
“We never intended to write the part of Tiësto for a female lead, it was always going to be a man but in casting we just couldn’t find anybody who captured his essence – that raw, robotic, dead-inside, lack of humanity that Tiësto has,” explained Linklater who said that unfortunately Arnold Schwarznegger was just too old.
“I’ve known Meryl for years after I almost cast her as Wooderson in Dazed & Confused so I gave her a call and asked her what she knew about EDM and if she wanted to be in the film. She said she was more interested in the relevant stuff coming out of Berlin but that she’d come down and try out.”
“She blew us all away,” gushed Linklater. “I’ve not been able to see anybody inhabit the kind of vacuous self absorption of an EDM DJ before or since. I cast her on the spot.”
Reports from Ms. Streep’s camp claim that she is absolutely thrilled to be playing the role of Tiësto – who she insists is someone she respected in his trance days but now “not so much.”
“This is probably the most challenging role that Meryl’s ever done,” confirmed Ms. Streep’s personal gopher Alex as he led Wunderground into Ms. Streep’s New York apartment. “Not only will she have to shave her head and act like Tiësto but she’ll have to go through a whopping 10 minutes of make up to transform herself into the square headed Dutch dancing music maker.”
The intense make up process involves using a special kind of sculpting putty applied to Ms. Streeps face which is then planed off on the sides and forehead to give her that “angular, I’m secretly a robot, Tiësto look”.
“I’ll have my eyes made more beady and lizard like through plastic surgery,” confirmed Ms. Streep who swept into the room and dismissed Alex with a smack to the rear of the skull. “I’ll also have my head completely shaved and have the hair drawn on with permanent marker. It’s the only way to make it real.”
Ms. Streep claims that the rest of the movie should be a stroll in the park for her as “in keeping the story based in reality” she won’t be doing any DJing in the actual film itself claiming that scenes which show the cast DJing will merely be them “playing with the controls while a pre-recorded mix goes out – just like in real life”.
Reportedly Tiësto is disappointed that Ms. Streep has been cast as him in the film as he was hoping that the role went to a male actor or at the very least a butcher woman like Rosie O’ Donnell or Jonah Hill.
The film, which is starting shooting in Autumn has already been tipped for Oscars glory, with some suggesting that the planned three way sex scene between the leads will rival Last Tango In Paris for its acting, use of lighting and butter.
It’s a joke, right?? Please tell me it’s not true. The idea is horrible.
Nah, this is as real and serious as it gets…
lol