The international scientific community today announced the ground breaking discovery of the first ever normal looking psytrance fan.
“It was such a strange thing to see, a man who wasn’t dressed like a brightly coloured, dreadlocked cyber hippy actually listening to and enjoying psytrance,” explained an enthusiastic Dr. Malcolm Matthews, an expert in sub-genre stereotyping. “I’ve never actually witnessed it before, you always suspected that normal people listened to psytrance too, but until now we’ve never been able to prove that.”
The report claims that Alan, a 34 year old branch manager for a local building society, was discovered at a psytrance rave in the British west country, an environmentally safe crusty haven since 1999.
“He was dancing to the ‘music’ like everyone else but instead of being daubed in neon paint and smelling faintly of wood smoke and speed he was wearing a sensible shirt with some slacks,” continued Malcolm, “and when we approached him, rather than offering us speed or telling us about his trip caravaning through Europe, he had to leave early to work in the morning in a proper office job like everyone else.”
“He has a proper job sitting at a desk praying for death while wearing a suit and everything, it’s barmy,” exclaimed an excited Malcolm. “It’s probably the most remarkable occurence that science has ever beheld, more amazing than Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, general relativity, the continuing success of Piers Morgan and the discovery that Nadia from Big Brother was actually a man.”
Alan claims that he began listening to psytrance after discovering a tent dedicated to the genre at a summer festival but insists that while he enjoys the music he hasn’t fully immersed himself into the culture.
“I like the music on its own merit without having to wear breezy Thai fisherman pants and baubles,” explained Alan. “There are people out there who actually just like psytrance without being crusties. Not very many mind, but they do exist.”
Calling Alan “the find of the century” Dr. Matthews insists that he needs to run some tests on Alan to establish if there’s a genetic difference between him and other psytrance fans that could be used to help other people who want to listen to psytrance without looking like a Mad Max extra.
“Hopefully through the research and insights we glean from Alan’s discover we’ll be able to completely eradicate the existence of psytrance crusties and alter their look to adhere to mainstream sensibilities by dressing them like deep house fans, or gym users, as they’re also known,” concluded Malcolm.
The rare normal-looking-psytrance-fan is actually a fairly common occurence in Cape Town, South Africa. We have dedicated psytrance festivals every weekend for 8 months a year, attendance averages at 2000 people a party. Since the fall of Apartheid in 1994 the psytrance scene here has grown immensely and a lot of “regular” people attend them, It’s not a niche culture here.
Psytrance for all!
Go psytrance! đ
lol satire is lost on this one ^^^^^
Yes some of us business owners in Cape Town even take our cars (with business logos on) as it’s not considered ‘underground’ at all, it’s a wonderful way to release stress from our hectic schedules!
and this one ^ but go cape town!
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I would happily volunteer as a test subject as well, to help Dr Matthews with more sample data for his genetic comparison of “normal looking” vs. crusty psytrance fans.
Although… I am not quite sure if a bald head would pass as “normal”, but at least there’s no too much crustiness here… đ
Yeah, admit: you would wear dreadlocks if you had hair!
I wouldn’t. My trusted hairdresser (nickname: “Panasonica”) is looking to it that it doesn’t grow any longer than 4mm, and has been doing so for the last 14yrs. đ
He is NOT normal! He wears a tie & a suit…
I am a professional that lives for psytrance, but wouldn’t dream of leaving a rave early for work in the morning!
Is the guy in the picture? With blue sweather? He looks pretty handsome… like almost every psytrancer guy!
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Not for long. He seems to be developing a moustache.