10 year old DJing tween Aiden Jude today spoke about his utter joy at finally releasing his first batch of bristly pubic hair.
“I’ve been working on these pubes for about the last ten years so it’s great to have them come out. You spend all day nurturing them, stroking them, rubbing piss into the pores so that they grow faster, and all that love and care is worth it when you finally notice the first sprout of man hair on your balls,” gushed an ecstatic Aiden who is expected to follow up the release of these pubes with his balls dropping next year.
“The pubes will be unveiled at a party I’m DJing at next month and they’re just the beginning of my publicly scrutinized growth into manhood.”
Aiden claimed that to celebrate becoming pubic he hoped to show off the pubes to his classmates, most of whom he insists haven’t even kissed a girl or got a boner yet, as well as enjoying a nice vigourous session of rubbing his hand along them to make sure they’re there, “the coarse brittle hair is like rubbing the back off a newly shaved dog”.
“Well there was a whole teasing campaign ahead of the pubes being released which involved me getting strange hairs in other new places, my voice taking on a different pitch and being overwhelmed with the feeling that girls weren’t as icky as I’d previously believed,” continued Aiden who says that now that he has got his first pubes out there he can focus on the more important parts of his DJing career like drinking and women.
“I can’t wait for them to grow out completely so I can then shave them. All DJs worth their salt scalp their pubes to prevent chafing and STI’s.”
The marketing gurus behind Aiden’s inappropriate DJ career are hoping to use milestones in his puberty as marketing ploys with a massive album launch party expected whenever he has his first wet dream.
“I can’t wait for that day,” concluded Aiden between glances at his Gameboy. “We’re not settled on an album title yet, it’s a toss up between I’m Not A Boy But Not Yet A Man, The Pube Album and Pubic Enemy Number One.”
I don’t believe it. he probably has a ghost pubes grower