15 people have died with 20 more injured after a group of friends coming from an after party decided to attempt to ice skate while under the influence of party drug ketamine.
The drug, which notoriously affects the balance of users to such an extent that it has been afforded the nickname ‘wobble’, was ingested by the group before they attempted to navigate the slippy ice rink in London on Saturday morning.
“It all grew out of one of those conversations that people have when on drugs that usually start with ‘imagine doing (insert activity) while out of your head on (insert drug),” claimed survivor Anna Harris. “So we had suggestions like doing DMT before doing a skydive or dropping acid before robbing a bank but the best one, and the most doable, was to do ket while ice skating.”
“It descended into farce almost immediately,” wept Anna whose boyfriend James, described as the ringleader and terrible ice skater, tragically lost his life after falling and smacking his skull on the ice. “All thirty people present tried it and slipped within seconds of stepping onto the ice, some even fell through it but I think that might have just been in their minds.”
Anna claims that they all skated out onto the centre of the ice where James gave each person “a fat bump” and instructed them all to try and complete a very basic upright spin, but not one person was able to execute the move.
“Most slipped immediately,” she cried, “those who didn’t began laughing at those who fell, only to slip themselves. We didn’t realise people were really hurt until the wobble wore off. But by that point, it was already too late.”
Police and ambulances were called but unfortunately, not being professional ice skaters, it took them some time to remove everyone from the ice for transit to hospital so sadly 15 people lost their lives from blunt force trauma injuries to the brain.
Police are urging anyone under the influence of ketamine to ensure that they don’t try to engage in any dangerous activities like driving, abseiling, moving or talking lest, they warn “more people needlessly die”.