An outgoing Irish student has shocked his classmates by actually staying in last night after claiming he wasn’t going out.
Michael Daly, a third year Applied Biology student, has become well known in Waterford IT for his raucous extracurricular activities and fondness for binge drinking.
“Mick hasn’t attended any lectures since last November,” explained housemate Andy. “He’s great craic! Somehow he’s still been passing his modules. It must be due to a mix of charm and luck, but I’m not sure how because he’s about as charming as a crab on the tip of your flute and as lucky as a bloke with a crab on the tip of his flute.”
“I couldn’t believe it when he told me wasn’t coming out,” continued the flummoxed housemate. “He said he was too hungover to come to Crystal. How can he be too hungover, he’s a nineteen year old student? A dose of beans on toast and a can of Dutch Gold and he’d be brand new.”
“He’s lucky I didn’t fuck him out of it. I was hanging out me arse as well but you don’t see me being a pussy.”
Friends Amy, Shauna and Aishling claimed that not even their combined guarantee of “the shift and stinky fingers” was enough to convince Michael to leave his house.
“The cheek of that ugly little bastard turning us down,” claimed basic bitch Aishling. “I probably would have given him the ride and everything, that’s the last offer he’ll get off me, this week.”
According to sources, the rest of the squad proceeded to congregate for drinks in the Dome later that evening, where Michael’s absence was noted by upwards of three people. It can neither be confirmed nor denied that Michael’s new found dryshite tendencies were a strong topic of conversation at the meet up.
Unconfirmed reports suggest Michael alleviated FOMO by buying a “€25 bag of green” and watching the first eight episodes of Breaking Bad on Netflix.
