A 25 year-old Grime fan in London was turned away from a Skepta gig by security staff last night. The incident occurred after bouncers at Koko, Camden Town, discovered that the man was actually two fourteen year-old private school boys standing on each other’s shoulders underneath a Stone Island trench coat.
Wunderground managed to speak with Koko doorman Barry Hogg, who told us, “I thought it was odd when this fella told me he was 25 in a very posh, high-pitched voice, so I asked to see some ID. My suspicions were heightened when, upon asking, a third arm appeared out from the groin area of his coat and handed me a very obviously fake moped licence.”
He continued, “I showed the licence to my colleague who agreed it was fake and told the bloke he wouldn’t be allowed in and that we’d be handing his ID to the police. It was at this point that a second head erupted from the mid region of the coat and asked me angrily if I knew who his father was.”
“I think that’s when he realised that he’d blown his cover because he turned around and bolted off into the night, throwing the other lad off his shoulders in the process.”
The youth who was left behind has since been identified as fourteen year-old private school student William Burlington-Smithwick, of Chalfont St Peter, Oxfordshire.
When questioned at the scene of the event, Burlington-Smithwick looked from side to side shiftily, tilted the peak of his cap down and unzipped his Gucci side-bag, which he claimed had been bought using birthday money from his Grandmother. He then presented us with a small bag of what was later found to be Oregano and whispered, “I’m a roadman, you get me? I bought this off one of the men in the queue, they said it’s high-grade. You can have it if you don’t tell my mum about this.”
The other boy involved declined to comment, on the advice of a team of solicitors who handle his father’s hedge fund.
