A shocking survey published today has revealed that a whopping 90% of DJs have slept with your Mum.
Citing the fact that your Mum is a “fine thing” and that tattoo-clad, bearded button twisters are “irresistible to middle-aged women” the survey claims that most of the DJs in existence have have at some point slept with your Mum.
“Remember how in school you’d always become self conscious when people told you that your mum was fit, with nice tits and a flirty smile?” asked Damon Jones, who carried out the survey by showing your mum’s Facebook pic to every DJ he met over a 2 year period and asked them to respond with a curt nod if they had sex with her – 90% of them nodded, some twice.
“Well you felt weird about your Mum being hot because you secretly suspected that your Mum probably would do random dudes, especially popular ones like Adam in 6th year who got pubes and muscles before everyone else.”
Some of the world’s most famous DJs are said to have examined your Mum’s pic for a moment before nodding slightly to indicate that she’d been intimate with them using the same mouth that she uses to kiss you and the hands that have cooked you countless dinners and the vagina that was once your home.
“To say that your mum has never had the sticky ejaculate of Ben Pearce on her hands, mouth and hair would be a lie,” confirmed Damon. “And I don’t want to do that to you.”
Some other DJs that your mum has definitely slept with include Seth Troxler, Jeremy Healy, Jackmaster, Steffi, Guti and your brother’s mate Jack who plays pop mashups and sells pills down Chasers on Thursday nights.
“Even him,” he added.
