A recent survey carried out in Scotland’s major cities has revealed that ninety nine percent of the country’s population have absolutely no idea where the slam tent is.
The survey asked ten thousand people from Glasgow, Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Dundee, Stirling, Inverness and Perth a number of question about Scottish culture, and while the vast majority of people didn’t know the exact location of the Slam tent, nearly all of them revealed they had been asked about it at least “two or three times” in the past.
Barty MaCalister, a retired train driver from Glasgow’s East End, claimed that he can hardly leave his house without being asked if he knows the tent’s where abouts.”
“Ah huvnae got a fucking clue what or where the slam tent is,” revealed MaCalister earlier today. “But nearly every day some wee pished jakey asks me if I know where it is. I usually just point the roaster in the direction of Drumchapel and get on with things. I cannae be spending my life wondering about some tent that probably isnae real.”
While it is not clear whether or not the Slam Tent actually exists, legend has it that the mystical tent can be found in a secret location at the annual T In The Park festival.
Iain Hastings, Professor of Mythology at the University of Glasgow, claims the Slam Tent is one of Scotland’s biggest mysteries.
“As with any legend or hero from mythology, there is a small group of people who actually believe the Slam Tent is a real thing,” claimed Professor Hastings. “These people are known as the Slam Tent Survivors and they’ve most likely convinced themselves that the tent is a real thing after spending a drugged up weekend swallaen swedgers in the arse end of T In The Park.”
“The reality of the matter is that the Slam Tent is little more than a fable or legend, like The Loch Ness Monster or the Kelpies,” confirmed the learned professor. “Stories of the Slam Tent date back to the twelfth century, where it was believed that anyone who entered the tent would have visions of the future, which isn’t too dissimilar to what people actually believe about it now.”
“These stories, along with all of our other cultural and mythological tales, have helped mould Scottish people into the fine upstanding European citizens that we are today so, if you think about it, there’s actually a little piece of the Slam Tent in all of us.”
