A recent study has confirmed that ravers who attend house and techno festivals spend ninety nine percent of their time looking for friends.
Conducted by the National Festival Association (NFA), the in-depth report has given a specific breakdown with, on average, fifty eight percent of time at a festival being spent walking around actively searching for lost members of the group, thirty one percent of the time spent waiting in one place for those missing, in the hope they find you, and ten percent of the time spent trying to locate decent phone reception to contact those who have gone A.W.O.L., with just a meagre one percent of time spent enjoying the music.
“These statistics are pretty much what we expected,” confirmed Sandy Jackson of the NFA. “Of the five hundred people we questioned, there wasn’t a single person who hasn’t wasted a monumental amount of time hunting for loved ones at a festival, getting all aggy in the process,”
The survey went on to confirm that “Wait here I’ll be right back” and “I’m going to the bar I’ll be two minutes” were listed as the two most common sentences uttered before group separation.
“We have reason to believe there is a common disorder amongst regular festival goers called ‘Festival Moron Syndrome'(FMS),” continued Sandy. “When groups of friends go to nightclubs, parties, shopping centres, on holiday, or even travelling around the world, losing each other is like a one in a million chance. Yet when it comes to festivals, FMS takes over the brain causing adults to behave like toddlers running away from their parents. Scientists are looking for cures as we speak.”
