A young hungover man who by his own admission “massively overdid it” throughout an action packed weekend of partying has been reduced to a weeping wreck while watching an advert on television.
In his tender state, 27 year old Harry Ferguson, decided to take the day off work and indulge himself in a “duvet day” to cure the “acute party elbow” and “heavy dose of the fear” that he was feeling by watching lighthearted sitcoms, drinking tea and masturbating.
“I was watching episodes of Friends, which as you know is always running constantly on some channel,” explained Harry his voice shaking with controlled emotion,” when this advert for car insurance came on during the break and I don’t know why or how but I just crumbled.”
Harry says that the aspirational advert, which played on the heart strings by using Sting’s Field of Gold and featuring harrowing scenes of kids laughing with their newly insured parents making the school run, left him openly sobbing and using the duvet as a giant, absorbant handkerchief for catching his free flowing tears.
“It was just so beautiful, the people were so happy with their competitive and fair rates,” he wept. “If I had a car, I’d probably go with that same company too, they really respect the institution of the family and are plainly nice people.”
At this point in the interview Harry began crying softly again and implored this reporter to “hold him for just a minute” until he got his “head together” while making repeated comments about how “beautiful and fragile life really is”.
When Harry finally ceased his bout of manly sobbing he said he felt “much better” after it and claimed that after we left he was planning on having “another shower” and making himself a big bowl of “lovely soup” until he felt strong enough to face the world, which he estimated was “after [he’d] had another big sleep, some red wine” and when his serotonin levels increased.
If you or anyone you know have been partying like drug addled maniacs all weekend and now can’t cope with the bland emotionalism of television adverts then you should probably “get a grip and stop partying so much” advise doctors.
It’s funny like so many articles on here, because it has at one point or another, been absolutely true!
This was literally me 2 weeks ago. Emotional wreck!
Sounds like this article belongs on the onion
This is literally me right now listening to Bjork and attempting to understand the universe in some poetic fashion… Mare