Superstar pop producer and notorious “press-play” DJ David Guetta reportedly woke up screaming in the early hours of this morning after having a recurring nightmare where he has to DJ live instead of using a pre-recorded CD.
“It was terrifying,” wept David, his blonde locks damp from a combination of tears and sweat, “I was standing in front of the DJing equipment and no matter where I looked I couldn’t see the play button. The crowd were shouting for me to start playing but there was nothing I could do.”
David claims he has the nightmare “almost every night” and that he has tried everything from “hypnosis to positive visualisation of his immense riches” to try and overcome the problem, but has had no success.
“It’s like the dream is trying to communicate something to me, as if I’m guilty or feeling bad about something but, much like the play button in the dream, I just can’t put my finger on it,” added the Frenchman, seen her emulating the style of the scaredy lion from Wizard of Oz.
“Eventually in the dream, as the crowd are getting more and more restless by shouting things like ‘get on with it’ and ‘just press play’, I find the play button and press it,” continued David. “But as the opening seconds of ‘When Love Takes Over‘ start playing I look and realise that there’s only one minute left on the CD, rather than the usual two hour mix, and I have to try to mix live.”
“It’s at that point in the dream that I begin urinating myself and everyone in the audience points and laughs,” cried David. “Then I wake up, bathed in a sheen of sweat and screaming.”
David says that after the dream he can’t calm down and return to sleep until he calls his closest confidante, his business manager, who reassures him that “it’s just a dream and [he] has enough money not to worry about dreams” before repeating a promise to “always provide CDJs with extra big, flashing play buttons”.
Other anxiety dreams that David is said to suffer from include one where he’s losing his flowing blonde locks in a promo shoot accident and another where he is confronted in a nightclub toilet by Frankie Knuckles and David Morales and forced to look them in the eye while apologising for what he’s done to dance music.
hahahahah aaaaaaaaa
Hahaha, brilliant.
Finally.