Groundbreaking new public decency laws set to be introduced next year have stated that all future music videos, rather than being tasteful, interesting or arty, must appeal to the lowest common denominator of viewers by showing as much nudity as possible, the cut off point for which is “at least a bit of tit”.
“For too long the art of music videos has been ruined by people like Michel Gondry and Spike Jonze making interesting videos for decent artists that were just offensive in their complete disregard for casual nudity,” said a source close to drafting the new legislation which is active worldwide. “I remember watching the Chris Cunningham video for Bjork’s All Is Full Of Love featuring two robots having sex and absolutely losing it.”
“Why bother showing robots when you can show real life people,” the source continued. “I barely managed to even get a wank out of the video. I did in the end but it was more of a struggle than it would have been had it of been a Nelly or Christina Millian video. They don’t make you work for your orgasm.”
“With this new law we won’t be stuck with cool hip-hop videos like Fat Lip’s – What’s Up Fatlip or dance videos like Daft Punk’s – Around The World,” he continued, “but instead will have more of the Christina Aguilera – Durrrty variety of videos, which are, I think you’ll agree, more culturally and sexually relevant.”
The new law is set to make sure that children aren’t exposed to innovative and artistic music videos and are instead educated in gratuitous nudity from an early age to help them form the idea that women are objects for the sexual gratification of men and not actual people.
“Now that it’s been officially accepted as pornography it’ll really free up directors to find new ways to exploit the sexualities of young people, particularly women,” he added.
The news has been greeted with enthusiasm by record companies with young semi-pornographic starlets signed for them, a spokesperson for Miley Cyrus’s label claimed they’ll sell even more records by making the misguided young star “full on get her twat out” on camera.
“Twerking set the bar, it occurs in almost every video made since 2005 so why not enshrine it in law that all videos require scantily clad women dancing for the pleasure of grinning men,” claimed the spokesperson.
“Hopefully at some point, if not with Miley then with one of our other acts, we’ll be able to shoot a music video that can take the use of gratuitous nudity in music videos to the next level and show graphic full penetration.”
“It’ll make millions.”
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