Studies have finally shown conclusively the exact moment when manhood is reached to be “whenever a young man gets his first round of drinks in”.
“Forget pubes, forget dropped voices and balls, forget backing in lorries or calling people mate,” claimed the study leader, high functioning alcoholic Steve Blake. “The real true test of manly maturity only occurs when a male buys his first round of drinks.”
The study claimed that the round of drinks had to be “more than two” and needed to be “unprompted and not forced upon the boy” else it doesn’t count because “anyone can pick up a round when told to”.
The study discards years of medical convention and physical science which suggests that males reach maturity in their late teens after puberty ends and they have “fingered at least three girls, or boys, depending on their preference”.
“Age is no arbiter of manhood, there are plenty of boys who have reached supposed maturity that aren’t really men because they have never bought a round of drinks,” continued Steve. “At the other end of the scale then there are kids as young as 13 who’ve bought a round of drinks who don’t have pubes but most assuredly are men in the true sense.”
There are other indicators of male maturity such as “not being a dick, being kicked in the balls and crying on a come down” but all of these are mere steps on the road to maturity whereas buying a round is the destination.
“Buying a round displays generosity, initiative, a willingness to lead and binge drinking, all proven qualities expected of a man,” concluded Steve. “You can’t disguise manliness with muscle displaying tight t-shirts and physical maturity and prowess, being a man is about more than that. It’s about buying drinks and not being a tight fisted sap.”
