Revolutionary new speakers are set to be released which will see sound transmitted directly from the speaker into your brain.
The speakers take advantage of conventional human technology by creating sound waves that are perceptible to the human ear which then decodes the sound into electrical signals which it sends to the brain.
“These are really something for the stack worshippers out there,” explained CEO of NoiseMakers Speakers Brad Trendt. “They utilise the evolutionarily created technology of your own ears to transmit sound waves that you then decode in your own brain into whatever sound the wave makes.”
“Anyone can enjoy these, from a housewife enjoying a glass of wine between masturbation sessions on a quiet Wednesday before the kids come home from school, to the bedroom DJ having a mix that he’s hoping will impress his friends enough so that they’ll stop making fun of his bed wetting problemys to the old man sat in a rocking chair, slowly waiting to die while listening to old recordings of Winston Churchill’s WW2 radio addresses and weeping,” he continued.
“Literally anybody can hear the sound that these babies emit,” he added, “even babies.”
Mr. Trendt said that his company is hoping to make “a totally big massive overblown deal” about how great his company’s speakers are compared to conventional speakers that work in exactly the same way.
“They’re a combination of Funktion1, Sennheiser, Bose and the voice of the one true God atop a mountain bellowing the Word,” he exclaimed offhandedly. “Prices start at the low low price of a year’s salary but can also be traded for necessary human organs like kidneys. The speakers are that good.”
“If you’re not blown away by the quality of these speakers then you must be deaf or are probably some kind of sick paedo who can’t hear sound,” he added. “Either way, you need to make sure you kit yourself out with these game changers, your ears will thank you.”
We spoke to some people who have tried the speakers as part of a company sponsored focus group for which they were paid to see what they thought of the listening experience.
“I thought I’d listened to music before,” claimed one. “But before trying these speakers I don’t think I really heard it.”
While another marveled at how the speakers work so simply without any need for clunky head gear like other models of speakers.
“These speakers have been literally millions of years in the making,” concluded Mr. Trendt. “Ever since evolution favoured species who could interpret the sound of their surrounding environment have these speakers been asked for, and now they’re here.”
