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May 27, 2014
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Drug Dealers Unable To Text In Full Sentences

A new disease has been discovered today which seems to only affect drug dealers which renders them unable to form full sentences when texting.

It appears to be localised completely to texts and doesn’t affect how they can string sentences together when speaking in person, dependent on how many bumps of k they’ve done.

Some of the symptoms of what doctors are calling drugtextlxyia include sending out a group message merely saying “U want any” or “U need any” or “U looking” or some variation of those texts.

“They simply find it difficult to form a a full sentence and expect the recipient to respond to their vague offers in much the same way,” continued the report which claimed the the drugtextlxyia also affects how they name common drugs. “For weed they’ll say ‘green’ for cocaine they’ll say ‘white’ and for ecstasy they’ve a whole vernacular but one that stood out was ‘little fellas.'”

“Ketamine for the drugtextlyxia suffered is known as wob or ket and is invariably explained to customers as being ‘good shit’ regardless of quality,” he continued. “That usually goes for any drugs that the drug dealer is trying to sell you at that particular moment in time.”

Speaking to one dealer via text he told us that he’d ‘jst got sum good white in. U looking for any’ before completely ignoring out well explained reasons for texting and telling us to ‘gimme a shout if ye’re after stuff. Good gear here.'”

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