A startling claim has been made today which suggests that all Mums, including yours, are secretly smackheads.
“The popular myth that women sit around drinking wine over ‘brunch’ and watching Loose Women while moaning about their husband and kids is just that, a myth,” admitted whistleblowing smack addicted Mum, Carol Bennett, who says that her smack habit began after being administered an epidural pain killer during labour with her oldest son Kevin. “That was it after that, I was hooked.”
Carol claims that every Mum has the same experience that she has and subsequently resorts to hard drugs to “forget about the fact that [she’s] stuck being a Mum”.
“Booze leads to cocaine which then leads into heroin,” continued Carol who describes her smack habit as “just a bit of fun” and “something to make the days go a bit quicker”.
Carol claims that a typical day involves getting the children off to school where she enjoys a quick chat at the gates with the other Mums before they and her sneak into the bushes for “quick smoke or spike of brown” followed by a “nice lie down on the grass for most of the morning”.
Police say they often have to sweep up marauding gangs of smacked out of it Mums but more often than not turn a blind eye because of “the good job they do” and “because they’re Mums innit. Everyone’s got one”.
“After that we’ll have a bit of a chinwag in which nothing but saliva and incoherent nonsense comes out before floating home to lie on the couch for a few hours with a nice cuppa,” continued Carol who then likes to spend the afternoon doing household chores. “Cooking, cleaning and doing a spot of gardening is all a sort of pleasant fugue when you’re nicely smacked off your tits.”
“I’ll pick up the kids and make dinner around 4pm then they’re in bed by 8pm,” concluded Carol. “Usually around that time I’ll sneak out to the shed and have a quick smoke to steady the ship before banging on Corrie and putting my feet up. Lovely.”
