A study carried out by the International Association of Things What Are Magic, or IATWAM, has finally answered an age old question by proving that magic mushrooms possess absolutely no form of mystical power.
Dr. Harold Potter, head of research for the recent study, revealed that taking “magic mushrooms” can cause users to think they are magic but in reality they are just, in technical jargon, “tripping balls”.
He explained the study’s findings, “People thinking that magic mushrooms are actually magic is a very common misconception, it’s like people thinking Adam Sandler is funny or Steve Aoki is a DJ, when really they couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Magic mushrooms contain a psychoactive substance called psylisobio-something-or-other,” explained the bespectacled doctor, “and it’s this substance which interacts with receptors in your brain and makes you trip balls. It really is as simple as that so when people on mushrooms think they can fly or stop a moving train by standing in front of it and putting out their hand it’s not that they’re magic it’s because those people are fucking idiots,” he added.
“We’ve been conducting a lot of research here at IATWAM lately and it’s fair to say that most of the conclusions we come to involve the public’s stupidity in some shape or form,” commented Dr. Potter. “We recently found that Jesus wasn’t magic too. This was a biggy for us, disproving the two thousand year old story of a magical white guy from the Middle East who was his own father and could turn water into wine,” he continued, “We proved that wrong by thinking about it logically for five seconds,” he added.
Other research carried out by the IATWAM has proved that there is no magic in a baby’s smile, dwarfs are not leprechauns and beanstalks do not lead to the land of giants.
