New Roland 303 Recalled As Man Dies Following Eight Day Binge

The updated Roland bass synth series has today been recalled from stores worldwide after a Chinese man has died following what has been described as an “eight day beat making super binge” believed to be caused by how dangerously addictive the synth is.

27 year old Wang Weo from Beijing, an aspiring music producer, reportedly bought the TB-3 only two weeks ago and had been cloistered in his small apartment playing with the machine ever since.

“We heard strange sounds coming from his place all week,” claimed neighbour Li Jing. “Strange futuristic sounds – like a train made of lasers dopplering down a tunnel at speed…”

“That and the usual excited yelping that Wang was known to do when he was working on his music. He sounded so happy with his new piece of equipment. He was like a child with a toy, and much like a child with a toy he wanted to stay up and play with it forever and ever.”

Police reports claim that they were called to Wang’s studio apartment in central Beijing after neighbours complained of an unusual smell coming from under Wang’s door. “When we realised that the music had stopped too we began to fear the worst,” claimed Li, who says she used to regularly argue with Wang over the loud music.

“I was always on his back about making so much noise but now that he’s gone I’d give anything to hear just one last acid squelch,” she wept snottily.

When police entered the apartment they found Wang’s body in the bedroom he used as a studio slumped over his desk in his pants with the TB-3 nestled affectionately in the grip of his hand.

“We found a 27 year old male who neighbours identified as Wang Wei,” confirmed a police spokesperson. “His death isn’t being treated as suspicious and while we’re waiting for lab results to return our thinking is that he died from extreme exhaustion and starvation.”

“We found several jars of urine and faeces in the bedroom and the deceased appeared to be massively emaciated and unshaven which suggests that he hadn’t washed or fed himself for several days,” continued the police spokesperson.

“The Roland TB-3 has been brought into custody and while we do feel that it killed him we can’t prosecute inanimate objects in a court of law.”

“But if we could it’d probably get 20 years to life,” he added.

Li Jing claims that the neighbours will have “an all night rave” to commemorate the passing of Wang and that they were happy to hear from police that he “was smiling when they found his body”.

The track that was saved from his session, which has been described as “dead good eery techno” has been signed by Get Physical Music and is expected for release some time this year.