Reports from Berlin have revealed that the city’s clubbing glitterati are now expected to be even more smug and aloof following their national team’s success at the World Cup in Brazil.
Berlin clubbers, who already maintain a high opinion of themselves as being “the best clubbers in the world” in a city that is widely regarded as clubbing’s world capital, have reportedly become a whopping “25% more smug” since Sunday’s footballing success.
“Before the World Cup win if you even tried to gain access to an exclusive Berlin club you’d be treated with the same kind of grudging disdain that’s normally reserved for cold calling Jehovah’s Witnesses, a bout of chlamydia or American tourists,” claimed Berlin clubbing expert David Foss. “But now, you probably won’t even gain access to the club or you’ll be forced to wait for several hours while they snicker at you in a different language and even if you do get into the club you’re likely to be on the receiving end of some harsh glances and loud tutting.”
“Some people might even openly spit on you, like you or I might spit on the ground or a dog’s back,” he added.
Witnesses claim that this smugness and self regard has manifested itself in a variety of ways among the Berlin clubbers with reports describing how German clubbers have taken to pointing and laughing at English clubbers both for their team’s miserable showing in Brazil and for their collective responsibility for Wayne Rooney’s blotchy, red front of his head or “face”.
“How they’re behaving now, with a kind of tired resignation of their own amazingness, is much the same way that they previously behaved only in Boiler Room situations where affected cool is appropriate,” he added.
“Where before they were confident of their superiority over non-German clubbers in much the same way that an early 20th century right wing political ideology might have considered one race superior to another,” concluded David, “now they are supremely aware of it and not afraid to carry out that confidence through a variety of exclusionary practices like pretending not to speak English when you’re looking for the toilet or drugs, giving you mildly dirty looks and patting their pockets while shaking their heads when you gesture for a lighter with cigarette in your mouth – in much the same way that an early 20th century right wing political ideology might have behaved towards races it deemed inferior.”
