An upcoming track by Dutch wunderkind producer Martin Garrix is reportedly set to take the EDM world by storm with its groundbreaking and complex musical experimentation.
Defying common sense, logic and aesthetic value the track, tentatively titled Mammals, reportedly adopts the formula of having a build followed by a “mild drop”, after which there will be a build and then a “wild drop” rather than the traditional “drop, build for a bit then drop again, repeat” formula favoured by everyone working in EDM.
“People might say ‘isn’t that just the same as every other track that Martin has purportedly written,'” declared Martin’s manager and chaperone Douglas Bruumpt. “But that’s just not true, there’s a million other ways this track could have turned out and to suggest that it’s exactly the same every time is akin to saying all Chinese people look alike.”
Douglas claims that the track could have easily gone “build, build, drop, build, drop, build” instead of “build, drop, build, drop, build, drop” and further to that radical change Martin could also have used “a haunting female trance vocal” instead of a “ghostly female trance vocal” – which he assured us are completely different.
“The track, and I’m not being hyperbolic in the slightest, is literally going to be the best thing you or I or anyone anywhere has ever heard in their lives, ever,” he enthused calmly. “It’ll be like receiving a blowjob for your ears while you lie on a bed of money while also receiving a blowjob for your penis.”
“I’m not being sexist, that analogy works for women too,” he added. “Just replace the word ‘blowjob’ with the word cunnilingus and the word ‘money’ with jewellery.”
“With this track he’s really throwing out the rule book – and then picking it back up, wiping off the bin juice and adhering strictly to what it says,” explained Douglas. “At the end of the day we need to make money off this so let’s not go crazy experimental – he’s not Amon Tobin.”
The track is set for release this winter and is already being widely touted as “music” and “a noise I think?” by movers and shakers within the industry. You can get your copy when a massive advertising campaign buys it top spot on the Beatport Top 10.
