The British Association of Doctors, or BAD, has today issued a warning to the English public about a possible outbreak of Ibizan flu in the Greater London area.
The Ibizan flu is a particularly severe strain of the common “hungover to bits” or “coming down like a ton of bricks” flu which is often contracted after returning from the notorious party island.
The Ibizan flu is extremely contagious and doctors fear there may be a full scale countrywide epidemic if the proper quarantine procedures are not followed over the coming days and weeks. While this particular strain of flu is not life threatening, it does incapacitate carriers for anything from three to ten days and a full scale outbreak would severely hamper the nation’s productivity – which could potentially bring the entire county to a stand still causing unknown damage to the economy.
Dr. Richard James, a spokesperson for BAD, spoke about the outbreak earlier today, “Due to an unnaturally large number of cases of Ibizan flu reported in the Greater London area we are asking all residents to be vigilant and exercise caution around anyone who has been to Ibiza in the last two to four weeks. The flu, an airborne virus, can be spread through close contact and is extremely contagious.”
“We often see a rise in Ibizan flu during the summer months, however it is usually restricted to people retuning from the island,” explained the Doctor, “whereas this year we have seen a significant rise in the number of cases in people who haven’t been to Ibiza, we believe they’re contracting it at festivals, raves and normal nights out. Monday and Tuesday productivity is already suffering as a result but a full scale outbreak could see the entire week rendered useless.”
Doctors are warning anyone returning from the White Isle that drugs will not work to treat Ibizan flu because “if your just home from Ibiza you’ve definitely had enough drugs” and are instead advising anyone who thinks they are showing symptoms to stay indoors, taking plenty of fluids on board – preferably hard liquor – and ensure a steady supply of soup, pot noodles and wank material to ensure a full recovery.
