The UN has urged its member nations to cut back on military spending and promote world peace by swapping missiles for bombs of MDMA.
Speaking at a summit in Geneva yesterday the UN’s General-Secretary, Ban Ki-moon who recently returned from a holiday in Ibiza, called upon world leaders to drastically change their current arms policies by buying large quantities of cheap and readily available MDMA rather than spending large amounts of money on highly sophisticated and expensive missiles.
“We give far too much emphasis to arming ourselves, having bigger weapons than our neighbours and trying to ensure that nobody will dare to mess with us,” claimed Ban Ki-moon during an early morning interview with Wunderground. “When in reality we should be focusing our energy on being nice and spreading peace, love, unity and respect. If everybody done that we’d never have to worry about being attacked.”
“Why spend so much money on missiles and other military hardware when we could all just take a few bombs and act like best friends?” he asked. “I can guarantee you there are no disputes that a little bit of MDMA can’t temporarily resolve so imagine what could be done for world peace if we were to distribute it, in the form of bombs dropped out of the sky, on a military scale. An end to all conflict would be an easily achievable goal,” he claimed.
So far Ban Ki-moon’s suggestion has received little support outside of The Netherlands although a number of high profile member states, including Britain, have refused to rule themselves out of involvement in a scheme to replace all missiles with bombs of MDMA.
Prime Minister, David Cameron, had this to say, “Britain has many vested interests in the international arms trade, to support a scheme that would take money out of the British economy, and my own extremely well lined pockets, would be political suicide.”
“However, as world peace is something that I feel we should all seem like we care about, we have been looking at other options to support this scheme. At the moment the only possible involvement we could agree to was if the British government became international drug dealers and supplied all of the MDMA used to make the bombs,” he continued. “While this outcome may seem very unlikely at the moment we have no moral objection to becoming drug dealers in the future and we will continue to work with the UN to ensure that a profitable alternative can be made.”
hahaha xD
if the British government became international drug dealers , weren’t they already? What were the opium wars about?????