A man who prematurely finished his bag of coke at a party last night is now said to be eating his own snots in a bid to draw out the effects of the popular party drug.
Peter English, who is believed to have “horsed the bag up his nose”, claims that the residue left by the cocaine on his snots is “more than enough for a bit of a buzz”.
Mr. English explained his theory earlier this morning after being caught in the act by fellow party goers, “The snots I was eating were ninety percent coke, I tried calling my dealer but his phone was off so there was no way I was letting all that coke go to waste for the sake of a small amount of salty snot and the occasional nose hair.”
“To be honest with you I don’t really care what people think about me eating my own coke laced snots,” claimed Mr. English. “If they were to try one they’d see just how good they actually are, my mouth has been proper numb ever since I started eating them. In a way I’m recycling so really I should be acknowledged and even applauded for making my world, and my moth, a greener place. Distinctly snot green.”
“I have no problem ingesting bodily substances when they’ve been produced in my own body,” he said while rooting knuckle deep up his nose in search of his latest hit. “I probably wouldn’t eat my own shit, unless I was stuck in some sort of Bear Grills situation, like missing the last train or making over the top shock factor TV, but I have no objection to a bit of snot or trying to wank into my mouth when I’ve no tissue or socks or boxers or curtains or my dog to clean up with.”
