A man who woke up late this afternoon with no recollection of what exactly happened last night still believes it was a brilliant night despite a terrible hangover and his short term amnesia.
Peter McKenzie, who went out to watch the football yesterday afternoon in his local pub and got home some time between ten o’clock last night and six o’clock this morning when he woke up on his kitchen floor before going to bed and finally waking up at three o’clock this afternoon, noticed a number of telltale signs that he’d had a good night after he removed his head from his ass in the last hour.
“First thing I noticed was that I was still alive and not seriously injured, not being dead is the first sign that you’ve had a good night and a key element to any successful hangover recovery,” explained Mr. McKenzie. “I did have a number of small non life threatening injuries, just the usual scratches on the face and bruises on the legs, you can’t really have a good night without picking up some small knocks.”
“I also had a distinct taste of shit in my mouth and a trail of chill sauce down my arm so I’m assuming that I ate a kebab at some point in the night,” continued McKenzie intuitively. “Everyone knows that kebabs have onions and salad-y shit on them so that’s two of my five a day and I drink either cider or vodka and orange juice so I’m totally boxed off nutritionally.”
“I still have my phone, my wallet, my keys, my watch, my trousers and pretty much everything else I went out with apart from one of my shoes but I’m sure that’ll turn sooner or later,” continued a shook but comfortable Mr. McKenzie. “And to top it all off I even woke up with about thirty euro in change in my pocket so even if I’ve cleared my bank account I still have enough money for a few cans and a take away tonight. Last night couldn’t have gone any better if you ask me.”
“Now all I have to do is avoid all of the people I was out with for the next four to six weeks so even if I was acting the bollox they’ll have had enough time to forget about it.”
