An electronic musician and producer who works under the title of Electrocity has made the startling claim today that 808’s are more reliable than live drummers. The statements were made behind a thick sheet of bullet proof Perspex at a drumming seminar which was held in Crabble, North Dakota.
Electrocity claims that not only are 808’s more reliable when it comes to keeping time, but further to that “they don’t get drunk and high before gigs, don’t take up an unreasonable amount of space on stage, don’t get offended at drummer jokes and don’t offer song writing tips or worse – claim to have written songs”.
The up and coming producer cites past experiences as the reason for his bold claims, showing photographic evidence of the drummer from his last band throwing a television, a mini-bar and the bassist out a hotel window. “Show me one 808 who has ever done this,” he said smugly.
Drummers everywhere are enraged at the statements and have formed a marching band to march on Washington DC where they will form a drum circle to protest the statements. Their official spokesperson Doug Newcamble says to expect their arrival shortly, however could not give a specific time as “we’re not good at being on time”.
“This just proves my point,” said Electrocity today. “If they can’t even get somewhere on time, how are they expected to hit a drum in time?”
“They’re barely a step up from Neanderthals, or worse – pagans. I once saw one beating his chest in order to practice keeping time. Humanity is beyond that at this stage.”
However, Electrocity did admit that since Kanye West began using 808’s, they have lost some of their charm.
“I stay away from anything that egomaniac touches. It’s like he has the Midas touch, but everything he touches turns to shit instead. The Scheidas touch, I suppose you could call it.”
