Up to 200 jobs are to be lost in the Mumbai based Judpor Pharmaceutical Company or JPC. The corporation, who are known for their production of human grade ketamine, made the announcement to staff late yesterday evening.
Vihaan Singh, a spokesperson for JPC, pictured above on a casual Friday, spoke about the upcoming redundancies, “In recent years we have become increasingly more dependent on our summer trade, for some reason the white boys love to get their wobble on while the sun is shining,” he said with a bobble of his head. “If it wasn’t for your crappy European winters, instead of being unemployed, we’d all be millionaires here,” he joked inappropriately.
Shreya Venkatesan, Head of Exports, also spoke about cost cutting measures that the company has been forced to take, “This summer we have been inundated with orders from all across Europe. Whether it’s Ibiza, Glastonbury or Roskilde, ketamine is very popular. This sudden up surge in demand meant we had to take on a number of temporary staff to help fulfil these orders. Naturally these people will be the first to go, this shouldn’t be too much of a problem as most of them are due to start school this year,” she explained, “but unfortunately we will also be forced to seek a significant number of voluntary redundancies from the ranks of our permanent staff,” she continued remorsefully.
JPC director, Saanvi Mukopadhyay, claims that this winter in uncharacteristically quiet, “For some reason this year things have been extremely slow since the end of August. It’s natural for order levels to drop a little but this is certainly the least productive we have been since we moved away from animal pharmaceuticals and entered the world of international drug dealing.”
The ramifications of the plant closure are being felt as far afield as Europe. Irish drug dealer, Mick O’Byrne, sheds some light on the reduction of demand for the horse tranquilliser, “I stopped selling ket there at the end of the summer. I was shifting a shit load of the stuff, but then all of a sudden it was really hard to get and there wasn’t as many people looking for it since the festivals all stopped. That’s the nature of the business though, boom and bust,” admitted the young hood. “So that’s when I decided to give up selling ketamine and set about becoming a veterinarian. Specialising in horses.”
Whacker Dunne, a close friend of O’Byrne, spoke of his shock after hearing of his friends decision to quit the ketamine trade, “What, Mick’s not selling K anymore? Bollox! Where the fuck am I gonna get it from now?” asked the tetchy highly strung drug user. “His stuff was proper warpy. I’ll probably just go back to sniffing glue and inhaling aerosols now then,” he admitted ruefully through a doused rag.
