Infinite Monkey Test Wrapped Up Early After First Monkey Produces EDM Track In Under Five Minutes
A scientific test which saw an infinite number of monkeys given an infinite number of MacBooks with an infinite number of cracked versions of Ablton Pro, in an attempt to prove the “infinite monkey theorem”, has been wrapped up early after the very first test monkey produced a perfect EDM track in under five minutes.
The “infinite monkey theorem” states that an infinite number of monkeys hitting random keys on a keyboard for an infinite amount of time, will almost surely replicate a recognisable form of script, or in this case an EDM track. Thus proving that, in an ever expanding universe with an infinite number of alternate realities, anything is possible.
Test administrator Doctor Bob Boone, of the Californian Research on Animals in Zoos for Yearly Studies Highlighting International Theorems Foundation, or the CRAZYSHIT Foundation, spoke to Wunderground about the recent test, “We’ve invested a lot of time, money and research into this test, it’s not easy coming up with an infinite amount of monkeys.”
“Although in this particular instance we did just get about a thousand monkeys and worked off the assumption that people would give up counting them after the first couple of hundred,” explained the research scientist, “and we were right.”
“Even though the test was theoretically a success, it kind of feels like a failure because it was all over so quickly,” commented a slightly downheartened Doctor Boone. “Infinite monkey tests have been done numerous times before and in some cases have run for years without the monkeys producing anything close to a track, a piece of literature or in some extreme cases even a single word.”
“So to have our very first monkey produce a flawless EDM track just feels like a bit of an anticlimax,” claimed the doctor dejectedly. “I can’t help but think that having the primates produce an EDM track as the theme of our test was just a bit too easy for them and we probably should have gone with having them do something a little more difficult, like picking their arses or falling out of a tree.”
“That’s not taking anything away from Homer Chimpson, the monkey who actually produced the EDM track,” continued the doctor, “He’s shown a level of intelligence that was previously unseen in simians, similar to that of a mentally handicapped dolphin, neanderthal or average EDM producer.”
Chimpson, pictured above watching an illegally streamed version of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes through a pair of non-prescription glasses which he believes make him look both cooler and smarter, is believed to be very happy with his latest production, set to be released on Steve Aoki’s Dim Mak Records later this month.
Wunderground asked Chimpson if he plans on producing any more EDM tracks in the future, to which he responded “Ooohh oohhh oohhh ahh ahh ahh ooohh” before stealing our notepad and running up a tree to find a good vantage point to fling his shit at us and aggressively masturbate for the next two hours.
“In that respect he’s quite like EDM producers,” concluded Dr. Boone.