An Australian woman attending this week’s Stereosonic festival in Sydney has been arrested after attempting to smuggle drugs into the festival by hiding them in the rectum of her pet poodle.
Police discovered the macabre smuggling attempt after sniffer dogs indicated that they smelled drugs on the 2-year-old dog.
Australian festivals are famous for their strict entrance procedures involving strip searches and sniffer dogs – a system which caused one woman to go to extreme lengths to get her stash into the dance festival.
“At first we thought maybe the dogs were just reacting to another dog,” explained Sydney police officer Alex Whitby, “but when we ordered the woman out of the queue and asked could we inspect the dog she became confrontational and abusive.”
“I couldn’t really make out what she was saying because of the ciggy in her mouth and how intoxicated she was but it didn’t sound flattering,” continued the cop. “Plus the dog was whimpering and feebly clawing at its teh gold sequined hot pants that the woman had dressed it in.”
As the woman became more confrontational and the dog behaved increasingly erratically police began to suspect that the woman – who was obviously on drugs – may have secreted something on the dog who was dressed as EDM scene hopper Paris Hilton.
“We just didn’t expect it to be in the poor dog’s bum,” added Officer Whitby.
“When we first pulled out a bag I thought to myself ‘this isn’t worm powder’ because it was still in the bag, was shoved halfway up the little one’s bum and that bum was still quite chafed looking.”
Police claim an officer removed the gold hot pants from the dog and found a smelly, brownish bag containing cocaine and, a smaller bag within that containing 50 ecstasy tablets, peeking out from the upset dog’s rectum.
“It’s the strangest case of smuggling we’ve ever seen, we believe that she expected that the dog wouldn’t be searched or that if the sniffer dog’s smelled its arse they probably just wanted a shag,” explained Officer Whitby. “We arrested her there and then, she broke down crying in the back of the squad car…the attending officers claimed she was upset that she was going to miss some guy Steve Aoki.”
“I don’t think that’s her dog’s name,” he added.
Apparently the women was unrepentant and said she’d do it again for the chance to “get off her nut and watch a coked up Calvin Harris play pop music”.
Australia’s anti-drug laws mean the woman will serve a minimum sentence and the dog will be taken into care, an eventuality which caused the woman to shrug noncommittally.
