Toronto based electronic music producer DJ Sneak has revealed that he is to set to take a step back from music and concentrate on Santa Clause gigs this festive season.
Sneak claims to have received his “second calling” in life after being accidentally discovered by a Santas ‘R’ Us talent scout while wearing a red t-shirt during a recent performance at a Bat Mitzvah.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Sneak wearing the red T-Shirt,” claimed talent scout Noel Holly. “I was standing behind him and he just looked perfect in every way. Every once in a while a real star comes along in the Santa industry and I’m one hundred percent certain, that in Sneak, I’ve found him.”
“The Santa business is a real competitive game these days,” continued Mr. Holly. “Sneak not only has the look but he also has the right attitude to make it to the top, there’s literally no telling how far he can go, maybe even all the way to the North Pole. He’s that good.”
DJ Sneak, who has been working in Toronto’s premiere shopping mall, the Eaton Center, since late November, is believed to be delighted with the latest development in his long illustrious career.
“I fucking love being Santa Clause man,” claimed the Puerto Rico born DJ. “I’ve mellowed a lot since I relocated to Toronto. There’s something about the fresh winter air up here that really makes you appreciate Christmas. When I have those kids sitting on my lap and I see their little faces light up when I give them a present that’s worth about three dollars but costs their parents twenty nine ninety nine, it really makes the whole thing worth while.”
“It’s pretty much the perfect job for me,” he continued. “Sure, the fact that nobody wants me to play their nights anymore made becoming a full time Santa an easy decision for me to make but seriously all I do is sit on my ass eating mince pies and talking to kids all day, music can go and fuck itself as far as I’m concerned.”
“I never thought I’d find a job easier than DJing but here it is. I know it’s only seasonal work but I’ve already been approached about being Cupid for Valentine’s Day and Nestlé want me as their official Easter Bunny so who needs music? Not me! I’m a Santa’s Fun House gangster now.”
