Yorkshire house merchant Darius Syrossian has reportedly been left angry and disappointed after being told that he was the only DJ alive who wasn’t set to feature on the lineup for Mexico’s BPM Festival.
Darius, who was involved in a misunderstanding with the event organisers last year which ended in him being ejected from the event unceremoniously by security staff, is understood to have “smashed up his bedroom studio by ripping all of his David O’Leary posters down while weeping to the sounds of Celion Dion’s All By Myself“.
The festival, which features every act and DJ from every genre of dance music ever conceived, has never left anyone out before – citing their policy of “randomly booking everyone alive to DJ” but took umbrage to the Leeds DJ’s outspoken denouncement of the festival last year.
“Ordinarily we’d book Darius because he’s a DJ and we don’t like to leave anyone out but we fell out last year and so for that reason, he’s off the bill,” claimed BPM organiser Craig Pettigrew, whose surname sounds like an item of 18th century ladies’ clothing. “It’s only the second time we’ve ever left a living DJ off the bill after we repeatedly rejected the inclusion of Steve Aoki on the grounds that he’s not a DJ.”
The festival, which is expected to take place on the 9th of January next year and continue until the end of recorded time, will feature more acts playing a wider variety of electronic music than there are stars in the galaxy with some of the stars on the bill including “anyone you’ve ever heard of, and some you haven’t”.
Fans of the festival are reportedly only mildly disappointed that Leeds’ finest won’t be appearing on the bill with many saying “ah, sure I’ll have to make do with seeing every other top DJ that I love”.
Darius has reportedly said he “doesn’t even want to play the festival and fly thousands of miles spending his own money to get sent home like a record spinning Roy Keane” and is currently planning his own rival festival to take place at the same time.
“It’ll feature all the biggest names in dance music who aren’t appearing on the bill at BPM,” explained Darius. “So it’ll basically be me, myself and I going back to back with my own person for approximately 10 days of fresh cuts – I’ll be hooked up to a cocaine drip so that I can handle the mammoth ten day set.”
