A young man was celebrating last night and into this morning after finding what he describes as “a lovely big bag of something” in the toilets of his local nightclub.
Martin Evans, a student from Cardiff, was enjoying a Friday night out with friends in Ladybird nightclub when he made the night changing discovery in the toilet cubicle.
“I was just in the toilet having a piss when I found the bag of white,” explained Evans earlier. “It was a real bonus, I hadn’t been planning on taking any drugs because it’s January and even though I kind of wanted to change my mind and take drugs I didn’t have any money so if I hadn’t have found the bag I either would have ended up having a shit night or owing someone money.”
“It was just sticking out from behind an empty toilet roll holder,” continued the young student. “I couldn’t believe my luck, I just grabbed it, took out a key and shoveled a massive bump of it up each nostril. I had no idea what it was but that’s ok because I didn’t pay for it.”
According to Evans’s close friend and self proclaimed “pharmaceutical expert” Billy Jones the bag contained either coke, magic, mephadrone, mdma, pcp or any kind of amphetamine that comes as a white powder.
“It definitely wasn’t heroin,” confirmed Jones, “because that would have put us into a hilarious Mia Wallace overdosing in Pulp Fiction scenario and that didn’t happen. We can also rule out ketamine because we took enough to kill a small pony and stayed on our feet and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t 2ci or 2cb or anything else psychedelic because I definitely would have noticed the universe imploding all around me.”
“So that narrows it down to about ninety percent of all drugs that come in the form of white powder,” revealed Jones. “We couldn’t really be sure what it was but we kept trying to figure it out by taking more of it. Eventually, when we’d finished it all, we decided that we’d never know what it was but agreed that whatever it was, it was proper buzzy.”
In related news, one clubber, a juiced up meat head, is said to have left the club in a “terrible humour” after misplacing a week’s supply of creatine in the toilets.
