The main stage at award-winning London dance music festival We Are FSTVL is set to wow the festival community by constructing a stage which will be visible from space, according to organisers.
The stage, constructed entirely of L’Acoustic sound systems, metal and man-sweat, will play host to the cream of dance music talent, and Tall Paul.
“We wanted to make a statement with the festival this year and have a really iconic stage,” explained an insider. “Glasto has the Pyramid stage, the Tomorrowland main stage is half the size of Belguim and they are now applying for planning permission to the Netherlands to extend it further, and EDC has the dual ability of being able to host a festival and swimming lessons when in the rain. We wanted ours to be as special as those places.”
“A stage that, after the festival is over and your hangover has worn off, you can look back on and think ‘that was pretty fucking massive actually,’” continued the source. “I knew if we were going to make our mark on the fleeting consciousness of the average festival-goer then we’d need to do something special.”
“I racked my brain for ages about what we could do with the stage to make sure it stood out, but was stumped as everything seemed to have been done before,” he continued. “Thankfully, after much soul searching and Googling, I had the flash of inspiration I needed when I happened to bump into Diplo at a urinal in a club in London.”
“We were chatting about stage ideas and setups when I caught a glimpse of his almost child-like penis,” explained the source. “I looked at his, then back at mine, then back at his again once more for luck, then back to mine and that’s when it hit me, ‘bigger is better.’”
The source claims that he and his team immediately worked out plans for the stage, which will be embedded with 50,000 high energy bulbs that will blast light skyward like Ricardo Villalobos energy levels on a Friday night and illuminate the night sky 80km up – ensuring it can be viewed by any passing ISS astronauts.
