Encouraging people to pursue a career as a working DJ is actually just a sick joke, it has been claimed.
Every year thousands of young men and women purchase DJing equipment in the hopes of becoming highly paid, internationally renowned disc spinners but, according to reports, it’s all actually just a big prank and 99% of people who attempt to become DJs are just having the piss taken out of them by their mates.
“I got my mate Sam to buy a load of Pioneer gear,” explained prankster Dave Ryan from Liverpool, “he dropped a few grand on it and despite spending hours on it every day his mixes are shite but I kept telling him he was animal and to try make a career out it.”
“He’s now living in a one bed flat with 3 other people scraping by trying to be a DJ, it’s fucking hilarious,” he added. “He’s been forced to sell drugs to make extra money and I know for a fact that he’s living on beans on toast instead of proper food. It’s so funny how pathetic his life is.”
Dave claims that, knowing how difficult it is to become self sufficient based solely on DJing, he decided to wind up Sam to get back at him for accidentally pissing on his toilet seat while drunk but that “it’s sort of spawned a whole thing now, I can’t stop it yet”.
Sam is reportedly unaware that the encouragement he has been receiving from Dave to continue living like a pauper, accepting free drinks, guestlist and exposure instead of currency is based on a cruel and unusual prank.
“I told him, get this, that he should ignore what people say and follow his dreams,” laughed Dave, “whatever the fuck that means. He’s been trying for a few years now, I reckon I’ll tell him I was only messing with him some day soon, maybe on the morning he moves back into his parent’s house in disgrace, knowing he’s wasted years of his life on a piss take.”
Dave claims that Sam never stood a chance of becoming a DJ in the current scene as “he wasn’t that good looking, didn’t really have an ear for tunes that’d set him apart and had terrible social media strategies”.
“It’d be tragic if it wasn’t so funny,” he added.
Anyone who has ever received advice like this in their teen years, claims the report, is most likely the victim of an elaborate and sustained prank by their mates because realistically becoming a superstar DJ is as likely as finding decent ketamine in 2015, not very.
“For every Carl Cox there’s about a million Frank Browns,” concluded Dave. “Who’s Frank Brown you ask? A lad off my road who tried for years to be a DJ before realising his dreams had turned to ashes in his mouth washed down with piss, I still laugh when I think of how good he was gotten. You definitely won’t have heard of him.”
If you or anyone you know has harboured ambitions of becoming a DJ you are warned to consider whether or not you have been encouraged into it by an especially acerbic friend who thinks the idea of you committing your life to a pipe dream is a lost cause.
Read: New Study: Your Ambition To Become A Superstar DJ Is A Pathetic Dream
