A young drug dealer has been heralded as a hero after becoming the first one in existence to openly admit that his shit isn’t that good.
Bucking a tradition that goes back since the beginning of time – requiring dealers to constantly provided implorations of how “good” their “shit is – Steve Allen from Birmingham, openly admitted that the drugs he had to sell weren’t up to much.
“I know most dealers, even if they get a shit batch of say coke or ket, or the pills they have are weak, will usually still insist that that they’re decent,” explained Steve. “Or, if they’re a little unsure they’ll kinda grudgingly meander around telling you the quality by saying ‘they’re ok’ or ‘they do the job’, but I just wasn’t interested in lying to people.”
Steve claims that he “got let down” on a batch of pills that he had ordered off another “higher-up dealer dude” which he was planning to offload to a bunch of his mates and customers for an upcoming festival.
“When I got the pills they were shit, brittle and leaving loads of dust in the bottom of the bag – not a good sign. And the coke tasted chemical-y and was too damp,” he explained. “Everyone who was waiting on them was still keen but I was trying to return them to my other bloke and tell him they weren’t up to snuff.”
“He said ‘they’re amazing, I’m telling you, they don’t look deadly and the coke seems wet but it actually isn’t’ and then hung up the phone,” continued Steve who said he was now stuck with a batch of coke and pills but was prepared to “take the hit”.
“Everyone was ringing me to get sorted, using the code terms I’ve invented for phone talk so the cops don’t get wide to the tiny bit of business I do,” he continued. “I just told them flat out ‘these pills are shit and you’d be better off having an espresso than snorting this coke.’”
Steve claims that, at first, everyone was disappointed but eventually, having no other recourse for drugs, they bought some anyway – with some even praising his frank honesty.
“Frankly I was shocked that when I asked him about the quality of the coke he didn’t immediately say ‘fucking amazing mate, going to blow the head off ya’ with a glazed look in his eyes and a plastered on smile,” explained long time customer Sandra. “Instead he just sorta grimaced and told me it wasn’t that good.”
“I’d never, ever heard a dealer admit that to a customer,” she added, “or even to himself.”
“It’s the first time a dealer hasn’t lied to my face when he’s fully aware of how shite and unpure his drugs are,” added habitual clubber and teeth grinder Alex. “I even paid full price for his honesty.”
“I’ll recommend him to friends,” he added.
At the time of print Steve still remains the only drug dealer throughout recorded time to openly admit that the quality of his drugs “weren’t the Mae West” and is currently being honoured by his local community as everyone of his customers changes his entry in their phones from “Steve Drugs” to “Sound Steve Drugs” – an honour never before bestowed on a dealer.
