British DJ and musician, Deekline, has reportedly been admitted into professional care for treatment of recurring nightmare in which the terrified DJ remixes Calvin Harris.
Deekline, real name Nicholas Annand, says that he feels trapped within the nightmare that he has been having for the last 6 months and that he’s terrified that “either it’ll never end” or that “it’s some sort of omen which will eventually come true”.
Deekline, who runs a side project as a Charlie Brooker lookalike, reportedly has been having the nightmare ever since accidentally clicking on a link to a Calvin Harris track and “having it forever seared into [my] brain”.
“I thought the link was for a video of one of the stupid, reprehensible things that Calvin has done to dance music – like bullying fans or existing, but when I clicked into it I realised too late that it was actually one of his excuses for a track,” explained Deekline, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. “Being a musician, I naturally thought, ‘how could I make that track better’ but the very idea of remixing one of his tracks made me physically shudder with disgust. I almost lost a tooth I cringed so hard.”
Deekline claims that thinking about remixing Calvin Harris for him is akin to having an image trapped in your head of fucking your own mother except less disgusting, and that he “had a convulsion so powerful that it made [him] vomit aggressively down the front of [his] face and chin”.
“That involuntary gag reflex didn’t help though to purge the idea from my mind unfortunately,” continued Deekline. “I’d still sporadically have thoughts of doing a remix for Calvin Harris, having to meet the dude, seeing my name next to his on Beatport….having him play it at Tomorrowland. It’s horrific.”
Deekline says that within the nightmare he is attending a Calvin Harris show when a topless Calvin, wearing nothing but tight-fitting Armani boxers, calls Deekline up on stage at which point both he and Calvin press the play button together to drop the remix and both make heart hands to an audience of American teens wearing glowsticks in their nostrils.
“I can actually hear the track, in my dreams,” wept Deekline.
At this point in the interview Deekline ran into the bathroom where he could be heard sobbing and vomiting while trying and failing to hum the melody from the Monty Python song Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.
“The nightmare ends when I look down and realise that not only am I not wearing any underpants but my penis has been replaced by a mini-Calvin Harris doing press ups and counting money,” continued Deekline after pulling himself together. “At that point I wake up screaming and often soaked in a my own terrified sweat and urine.”
Deekline has voluntarily committed himself into a care home that specialises in PTSD and bad dreams where it is hoped that a vigorous course of breakbeat plus EDM-exposure therapy will help him get over his fear.
