Electro-dance duo The 2 Bears have today been placed on the critically endangered species list by the International Union for the Conservation of Music (IUCM).
Their endangered status comes after sightings of the pair by the general public have dropped to an all time low since the turn of the year.
Earlier reports suggested that the electronic duo were simply hibernating for the winter, living only on stashed nuts and naps, but their lack of public appearances since the start of the spring season has alerted conservationists into a full scale investigation of the twosome’s location.
Steve Berk, Head of the IUCM, gave details of the investigation:
“After a four day search, we found both Joe [Goddard] and Raf [Rundell] in a cave on the outskirts of the M25,” says Berk. “They were passed out under a pile of pizza boxes and empty beer cans, looking vulnerable to say the least.”
Following what the IUCM describes as ‘a worrying discovery’, conservationists contacted government officials to pass a law which bans the feeding of pizza, beer and recreational drugs to The 2 Bears.
Despite the law being passed – which also includes a ban on bear hugs – there appears to have been no decrease in reports of human contact with the bears as the unthinking public have continued feeding The Bears with narcotics and unhealthy food whenever they are spotted inside nightclubs.
The WWF have backed recent conservation efforts of The 2 Bears and have released a public appeal in an attempt to end the suffering of the bears before it is too late:
“Please end the needless destruction of these creatures. Everyday there are fewer mammals able to produce a healthy combination of original 2-step, hip-hop and house music, and we do not want credible producers forced into a zoo for their own protection,” read the statement which also advised, “Next time you consider feeding these bears with potentially lethal substances, consider sending them instead to a large commercial EDM label where their talents can be used to ghost produce some decent music for a popular EDM artist.”
According to the IUCM, The 2 Bears are currently recovering in the basement of Southern Fried Records’ headquarters with a hopeful release back into the wild due sometime next week so that they can begin touring again.
