A young man at a party is reportedly trying to tear the arse out of the weekend and extend his after party time by doing out progressively smaller lines of coke so that it seems to last longer.
“At the start of the night, I was all lashing out red alert chomper lines the size of a fat white slug, chiselling into the bag without a care in the world,” explained Damon who regularly suffers from chest pain on a Monday morning which he attributes to just one of those things. “But then, as always happens, I suddenly crossed the threshold from having a full bag to less than half a bag. Once you get below the half way mark it’s time to start conserving.”
“When you’re dealing with coke,” added Damon, “it doesn’t matter how much of an optimist you are, if the bag is half empty, it’s half fucking empty, perspective doesn’t come into it.”
Damon claims that when the bag crossed the halfway mark he “could see the end of the party” and not wanting to go home anytime soon and having no money to buy more coke he decided to make the lines smaller and smaller.
“The hope is that I can halve the size of the lines each time,” explained Damon who’s favoured method of decking out lines involves a bank card and a plate, “If you keep cutting something in half it will stretch on to infinity but to be honest, when the bag gets to the point where there’s only one decent line left I’ll just shovel that up my schrone and call it a day.”
“Usually though after that I’ll have a good long lick of the bag and scrape whatever residue I can off the plate, which is perfectly acceptable to do in one go, you couldn’t stretch that out any more than it is.”
When Wunderground left Damon at the party he was still there, scrolling endlessly through his phone nervously looking for a number for more shit while drinking neat whiskeys and firing off multiple texts all saying “Hey man, you got any white?”
