A man who won slightly over $100,000 in a Las Vegas bankid casino last weekend was left disappointed after his windfall was still not enough for him to attend a Calvin Harris show in Hakkasan Nightclub in the MGM Grand Hotel.
Dale Francis, a twenty eight year old social worker from Portland, Oregan, was in Las Vegas for the weekend when he hit a streak of luck on one of the city’s many Blackjack tables.
“It was brilliant, I just couldn’t lose, I felt like Marvin Gaye’s family when they hear a new Pharrell Williams track,” commented Francis on his winning streak. “Once I went over the $100K mark I knew it was time to quit while I was ahead. I’d have to work for nearly two years to earn that type of money so I walked away from the table and decided to go celebrate in style.”
“I was really hoping there’d be some good music on in one of the clubs,” continued the lucky social worker, “but there wasn’t so I decided I’d check out Calvin Harris in Hakkasan, mostly just to see what the club was like.”
“I knew it would be expensive, everywhere in Vegas is, and I was prepared to pay a couple of hundred bucks in,” revealed Mr. Francis. “But when I got there the security guards told me that general entry was full and the only other option was a $50K bottle service with a two bottle minimum, not including gratuities.”
“I just burst out laughing, I was sure I was on some sort of hidden camera show and was looking all around me for the cameras,” recalled Francis. “But the unwavering grimace on the face of the security guard made me realise he was serious. I had to walk away, there was no way I was paying that sort of money to see a moderately talented jerk-wad from North Britain massage his ego by playing childish music to a room full of barely legal nubes who wouldn’t know real clubbing if it slapped them in their spotty little faces with it’s dick.”
“I mean $100K just to sit at a table in a club. Fuck that!” spat Mr. Francis. “For $100K I could buy five brand new Honda Civics, twelve and a half pairs of fake tits, a weekend with Paris Hilton or 67,000 Snickers bars. All of which would be better than seeing Calvin Harris play, apart from the weekend with Paris Hilton because she’s almost definitely want to talk at some point.”
