A Newcastle based clubber thinks that repeatedly catching sexually transmitted infections is something to be proud of, it has emerged.
“I first got an STI from this bint at school,” explained serial shagger Tony Harris. “She’d been with a bunch of other lads so knew that I’d be able to lose my virginity with her. Nobody believed that I’d got off with her until I showed them the doctors note saying I’d chlamydia. They were well jealous.”
“The best bit were when I told her at school that she should get herself checked,” continued Tony. “She told me to fuck off and punched me, it felt really like I was a proper man then, telling a girl I’d shagged that we were both riddled. Everyone in school knew my name, and more importantly, who I had fucked.”
Tony says that he has been diagnosed with some form of STI at least 25 times in the ten years since he’s been sexually active and being a riddled, stank dicked womaniser really makes him feel good about himself.
“I’ve had chlamydia eight times, gonorrhea twice, all sorts of thrush, genital warts, the good HPV and crabs,” he continued, beaming with a sense of real achievement. “The lads all think I’m a bit of a legend, I could use a condom to ensure that my penis doesn’t fall off and that I don’t catch AIDS but the feeling of pride I get when the doctor gives me a fresh diagnosis just can’t be beaten.”
“I’m off the Magaluf now this summer for a four week trip, I’m going to shag my absolute balls off,” he concluded. “I’m going to get an all clear just before I go, shag as many birds as I can then come back and see what I scored. I’m hoping I’ll get a new personal best of having four dangerous STIs at the same time. The lads will be pissing themselves then.”
