A dance music fan began acting erratically today when he was unable to think of any synonyms for the word “belter” when describing tracks.
The dance music fan and blogger, 27-year-old Alex Hughes from Dublin, has reportedly been referring to every track he ever hears as a “belter” since he first started doing pills back in 2010.
Friends of Alex insist that he used to be able to refer to tracks using a large vocabulary of synonyms but that in the last two years has become increasingly reliant on “belter”.
“He’s gone through a couple of phases, there was the half year where every track was a monster or dance floor destroyer,” explained Alex’s friend Ciara. “Then of course let’s not forget stomper and beast. Or beastly stomper. Or stomping beast.”
“There was something of a movement on his part to describe tunes using the most abstract terminology he could,” continued Ciara. “I think he had been reading Pitchfork because suddenly hard techno was abrasive and sterile, like a nail file dipped in vodka and he only liked DJs who could be describe as uncompromising or eclectic.”
Friends say that Alex’s reliance on hard hitting adjectives started to bleed over into the rest of his life as he began using belter to describe not just tracks but everything in his life.
“He’d be like ‘oh this track is an absolute belter’ or ‘your shoes are an absolute belter,'” explained Ciara. “Or, ‘sorry for your loss mate, your mum was a belter. It’s such a poxy belter of a belter, if you ever need to belter don’t hesitate to pick up the belter. I’m belter for you mate.'”
Alex’s friends claim they were left with no choice but to have him committed into care after he began signing his name as belter on legal documents and etching the word into his arm with a sharp compass.
“It’s the best place for him, I just hope he gets the help he needs,” wept Ciara. “He’s a belter of a lad.”
